


Honesty is the best policy

by Dona_Laura



Series: Let's push things forward [2]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Action, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Drinking, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Some Plot, gunfights, injuries, silly jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:59:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13014102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dona_Laura/pseuds/Dona_Laura
Summary: This part focuses on the relationship after the victory on Meridian.A simple and small detail is about to turn things upside down, in a way Reyes would never have expected.Maybe it was just one little lie… but one too many.





	1. Outburst

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [En toute franchise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13024209) by [Laura_Dona (Dona_Laura)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dona_Laura/pseuds/Laura_Dona). 



> I have never been the “and they lived happily ever after” type… sorry ;)
> 
> Tags will be updated chapter by chapter.
> 
> And I don’t think that you need to read the first part to understand what’s going on here. But I’ll be making some references to what happened in the first part from time to time, and I don’t always stick to in-game canons. You’ve been warned ;) 
> 
> As usual, don’t hesitate to comment. Comments feed my soul!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Ryder “kinda lost it”.

“Damn it, Sara! What the hell’s going on with you?”

Every woken eye in Tartarus looks upstairs, from where shouts and sounds of thrown objects collapsing on the wall come suddenly, breaking the sleepy silence of the bar in those early hours of the morning.

Last weeks were particularly hectic, the Collective having secured yet another part of Kadara and freed it from the last remaining kett on the planet. The party that followed that accomplishment, the night before, was made to be memorable, and sleeping drinkers are still lying everywhere on the ground, tables and couches, trying to recover from a terrible hangover.

 

Kian, the owner, wakes up immediately and worryingly heads toward the stairs, unsure how to react. He’s still pretty drunk from last night, but he clearly remembers the Pathfinder and Reyes disappearing in the smuggler’s private room before the end of the party, as usual, tightly hugging and kissing like the crazy, drunken, and in love fools they were. Everything seemed perfectly fine, then.

He hears another angry and blurred shout coming from Ryder, and the distinct sound of a datapad breaking into thousand pieces on the floor. He meets Kassim’s eyes, and the Charlatan’s first lieutenant looks confused as well while they glance at each other.

“What’s going on?” Kian asks, but the turian shakes his head, as surprised as he is. 

Frightened drunks are hurrying away from the upper level, still aware in the depths of their drunken minds that their boss is probably in no mood to be interrupted, and preferring to put as much distance as possible between themselves and his wrath. Kassim goes upstairs with a resigned gaze, motioning three of his men to follow him, just in case.

The upper floor is now empty, and they stop on top of the stairs when Ryder suddenly barks with anger. “Don’t touch me, you fuck!” The doors open, and she storms out of the room.

She pauses when she sees the four men a few feet in front of her, blocking her way out. Reyes appears behind her and grabs her arm.

“Sara…”

But she violently shakes him off and starts striding to the stairs. Within two steps, she’s standing right in from of Kassim and she dares him with her furious eyes. For a moment, the turian doesn’t know what to do. Ryder is looking at him like she’s actually going to eat him alive, but he hears his boss shouting “No!” and immediately reacts, unconsciously raising his arm to block her the way. Before he can think further, he feels a blast of electricity going through his body, and he realizes he’s lying on the floor, almost knocked out by the biotic charge that punched him in the face before he could see it coming.

 _Damn, the woman hits hard_ , he thinks to himself, trying not to pass out. For a moment, no one dares to make a move. In a blur, Kassim sees the Pathfinder turning toward Reyes, her eyes flashing of anger and resentment.

“Let. me. go”, she groans with a threatening voice no one in Tartarus ever heard coming out of her. And without waiting for a response, she jumps over the turian still lying on the floor and runs down the stairs.

Reyes tries to call after her one last time, with a more pleading tone. “Sara, come back!”

But she raises one angry hand over her head, refusing to look back at him. “Fuck you, Reyes!”

And she’s gone.

 

Kassim looks at his boss while one of his man helps him to stand up. His jaw is hurting like hell, but he doesn’t care for now; the Charlatan’s face is twisted in cold anger, dark eyes fixed on him, and the turian fears that his lost rage would crash down on him. But the piercing black eyes glance away from him without a word, and Reyes locks himself back in his room.

\------------------------------------

_Fuck. Fuck. What the hell just happened?_

Reyes is still mad, but in his anger, he feels mostly confused. Yesterday everything was just fine, he had finally secured the planet after several months of struggle. And when he came back to Tartarus, it was to find an email on his omnitool announcing the Tempest landing on Kadara. He had felt like everything was definitely turning his way, his enemies gone and his lover coming back right on time to celebrate this achievement with him. She deserved it as much as he did after all, she had helped him in the first place and the fact that she was there to celebrate with him felt like coming full circle. It felt right.

They hadn’t seen each other in over a month, since the victory on Meridian, and both were in a hurry to make up for lost time. She seemed happy to see him after such a long time apart. And when they reached his private room, already kissing and hugging each other, the night was so promising that he never would’ve thought the next morning would be such a total fuck-up.

_What did I tell her exactly this morning?_ He tries to focus on their earlier conversation, to recollect some memories that could explain her sudden and unexpected behavior.  

He was woken up by a call from Keema, and went to his bathroom to answer her. After ending the call, he came back to the bedroom. Keema’s news was not good at all, but he carefully hid that fact from Sara as he poured himself a glass of whisky. She was slowly waking up, stretching and purring in the most exquisite way as he joined her in bed and cuddled her up, to show her how he’d missed her. While hugging her, he let his thoughts go back to Collective business for a moment. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, but then he realized Sara was watching him with curiosity. Probably wondering what he was hiding from her, for she knows his pensive face and what it means-problems, most of the times. He started to chat idly to avoid her questions, making plans for their day together. Told her how he planned on cooking for her, his famous home specialty…

… and all of a sudden, she stood up and left him alone in bed, gathering her clothes.

That’s when she started to act weirdly. He asked her what was wrong, but she said casually that she had her own business to mind. Something odd in her tone caught his attention, though, and assuming she was pissed about his secret conversation with Keema, he tried to reason her.

“That’s for your own good, Ryder, I swear. It’s nothing you have to worry about. You need to let me solve this alone, you know that’s how I do best. You just have to trust me.” He said that with a bit more paternalist tone than he would have liked.

“Don’t treat me like I’m one of your stupid whores!” she spat aggressively.

And then, it was all lost. They had never argued before, not like that anyway. It was so sudden and violent that he’s still shaking deep down inside, beneath the coldness that has taken hold of his heart. Even when she had found out that he was the Charlatan and confronted him, she was blank and distant, but not mad and full of cold fury like she was this morning.

And what was that about ‘his’ whores? If she meant Kian’s strippers, he had nothing to do with that… _Wait, could she be jealous?_ The idea seems foolish, Sara has never been the jealous type and moreover, he had sex with no one else since he’d first met her. Not that they ever talked about that, or that he ever told her she was the only one. They’ve never been specific about being exclusively with each other. But he knows he has been, at least.

Has she cheated on him? That could explain her resentment… but it doesn’t make any sense, either. He crumbles inside at this thought, though, and pours another glass. He empties it with one sip and fills it again immediately, forbidding his fingers to shake. He refuses to think about that possibility. But he cannot believe that the fact he hid Collective information from her is the reason why Sara got so mad, either. She is not the kind to frown upon his need for privacy, and she knows that she should not be involved in Collective business… No, he can’t figure out what happened this morning.

_Damn the woman, she’s crazy. She’ll come around. I did nothing wrong._

Somehow, he manages to persuade himself that he has nothing to do with Ryder’s mood. He pushes away the fear and keeps on drinking, a dark anger replacing his confusion and slowly rising inside him.

 

An hour later, Reyes finally gets out of his room. Details of the morning are now fuzzy in his head, and he staggers out of the room, feeling uncomfortable but not remembering exactly why. When he glances at Kassim, still pressing an ice pack on his face, he suddenly feels very bad.

“You’re gonna be ok?” he sharply asks his lieutenant. The man has always been loyal, and with Keema and Kian, he’s the only one who knows his true identity. And Sara, of course. Reyes winces at the thought of her and takes a sip directly from the bottle he’s carrying, forgetting he already emptied it and was heading to the bar for that precise reason.

“No problem, boss.” Kassim tries not to look too shaken.

 _But,_ _hell, it must have hurt_ , thinks Reyes, eyeing the crimson pattern growing on the turian’s face.

He nods. “Good. Then go after her and see how she’s doing. What she’s doing. And don’t tell her I sent you.”

 _Thought she will probably figure that out_ , he thinks without smiling.

\------------------------------------

_Fuck him. Fuck him, and his fucking lies._

As soon as she’s out of Tartarus, she starts trembling uncontrollably. Only just yesterday, she felt so happy to see him again after such a long time… and the bastard took it all away with his lies. Again.

She breathes in deeply, and allows SAM to ease her heartbeat. She should have known better. Scott had told her to be careful, Cora had agreed with him without hesitation, and Liam… _Well, Liam doesn’t count_ , she thinks with a dismissive sigh. _He would be sooo pleased to hear that I had a fight with Reyes._ She decides she won’t tell them what happened this morning. She only needs a distraction, to stop thinking about that asshole who smuggled into her life, and left her with this huge mess in her head. _My asshole, though_.

She heads toward the market, trying to reach Gil on the intercom. She’s glad when the man picks up in spite of the early hour.

“Hey, Gil! You’re up for a drink at Kralla’s?” She really hopes his friend will come, she could use a drink right now, and preferably not alone.

“Ryder, is everything all right? It’s not even 9 a.m.” He sounds surprised.

“Coffee, then,” she insists.

“… Alright. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He hesitantly adds, “In the meantime, behave, ok? You sound a bit tense.”

“I always do, Gil. And thanks.”

 

The uptown is slowly coming to life as the sun rises higher in the sky, and Sara wanders a little bit among the few stores that are already open. But she can’t keep Reyes out of her mind, her blood boiling inside her whenever she hears him telling his lie yet again. Such a little, innocent lie, but still… he’s making no sense by lying to her about such trivial details. She cannot understand why, but she’s really mad at him. More than when she learned the truth about him being the Charlatan. _Why is that?_

Also, she’s a bit embarrassed by her own reaction. It was kind of an impulsive, over-reaction. She normally doesn’t burst into fury like that, unless a stupid archon is threatening her, of course. Her temper begins to level off, leaving her with a strange feeling of shame, which she never felt before. Pushing it aside, she heads for Kralla’s Song and sits in a corner, waiting for her friend.

He shows up right on time, entering the bar when she was about to give up and order some booze. Fortunately for her own well-being, he orders two coffees and joins her on the couch. She thanks him in a whisper and dives into her mug, trying to avoid the concerned look on his face. Gil is her best friend, and the best friend she ever had in any galaxy. He won’t judge her. And maybe he can help to figure out what’s happening to her.

“So… Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he gently asks after a moment.

“Why do you assume that something’s wrong?” She tries to sound casual.

“Come on, Ryder… At this hour, we all figured you’d be enjoying your handsome boyfriend for about… the third or fourth time today.” He teases her, but she can hear the worry beneath his voice.

“I… Well, Reyes and I had a fight this morning. I kinda lost it.” She’s really abashed to say that. But Gil remains cool, leaning his back on the couch. So, she explains him everything.

 

“You knew about him being a shady bastard when you committed yourself into this relationship, Ryder… I know it’s no fun, but hell, I don’t see why you got so mad.”

“I don’t either, Gil… For what it’s worth, it really felt like treason to me.”

“Then, maybe you care more than you think…”

Sara raises one surprised eyebrow at him.

“I mean that you care more about him than you care to admit, my friend.”

She dismisses his words by gesturing a hand in front of her face. She hears once again Reyes babbling about his stupid Spanish cuisine in her head. Then she hears him saying how he wanted to keep on falling in love with her, that day after Sloane’s death. She had almost believed him, back then. Maybe she wanted to believe. But they never talked about feelings together, not even after that day, and she assumed quickly that it was just a trick to get her in his bed once more. Which was fine, more than fine actually. She grins but then swiftly pulls herself together. _No, don’t think about sex_ , she warns herself.

 

Fortunately, she’s quickly distracted from her thoughts as she sees Cora entering the bar. She sighs, but welcomes the huntress with a forced smile.

“What are you doing here, Cora? I thought you hated Kadara Port.” Sara secretely hopes that Gil will follow her move and stop talking about Reyes in front of Cora.

She’s glad to see that he seems to understand when he adds, “Yes, I thought that you couldn’t stand the fantastic stench of this place…”

Cora doesn’t react to their sarcasm, and directly asks Sara how long they will stay in Kadara. _Not even a whole day, and she already seems bored…_

“Actually Cora, we’re leaving tonight for the Nexus. Prepare the crew, I’ll send the order to Kallo.”

Both Gil and Cora are startled at her words. “But, Pathfinder… don’t you have an appointment tomorrow morning with Keema and… the Collective?”

“I’ll let Keema know something came up.”

“Did something come up?” Cora looks intrigued, so Sara replies with her most casual voice.

“Not particularly. Tann insists that we discuss the possibilities offered by Meridian. I’ve pushed this aside far too long, and I cannot avoid it anymore.”

That was only a half-lie. Tann had been fussing on and on about that, but she had planned to let him wait a little bit longer while enjoying some time off. Since fun seemed to be definitively out of the question, she might as well suck it up and face Tann. She might actually enjoy it a little bit, using the distraction to drown her frustration.

“Go and tell the others.” She dismisses them, but not quickly enough. Kassim is entering the bar, clearly looking after her. She feels really bad at the sight of the darkening bruise on his face, even more when Cora sees it as well and turns to her with a questioning look.

“Just go, Cora!” Sara shouts. She’s not ready to face the huntress’ questions, not yet, and she’s relieved when Cora and Gil leave the place without saying anything.

 

Sara turns to the turian with an apologetic face. “I’m sorry, Kassim.” She pauses a moment, then adds, “It was either you, or him.”

“Then you made the right choice, Pathfinder. Is everything alright?”

“I’ll be ok. You go and tell him that.”

“… What are you going to do?” He seems reluctant to ask, but asks anyway.

 _But hey, the man has orders…_ , she thinks. _Typical of Reyes – sending one of his men, not even bothering to come himself to check up on me._

“That’s none of anybody’s business. But it should involve quite a lot of drinking.” She winces and turns away. “You should do the same, Kassim. It helps with the pain.”


	2. Don't tell, don't ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with concerned friends

Reyes' second bottle is empty on the table when Kassim finally returns. The turian tells his boss that he found the Pathfinder at Kralla’s, with two of her friends.

“She seemed fine, sir. Calmer, at least. She apologized to me.”

“What else did she say?”

“That… she had to punch somebody, and it was either you or me. I told her she made the right choice. Then, she suggested that I should drink my pain away, boss. She surely is going to do so.”

Reyes smiles with bitterness. He’s been working on that as well. He dismisses his lieutenant and opens the third bottle. _Damn it, it’s not even noon…_

He knows he has business to attend to, but he relinquishes to work in his current state of mind. He planned to spend the day with Ryder, take her to the lake he found somewhere in the middle of the mountains, not far away from the port. The place looked quiet and remote from any easy access, and as he was flying over in his shuttle a few days ago, he thought it’d be a great place to spend the day with her, just enjoying the sun and her nakedness. At night, they would have flown back to Kadara Port and he'd have shown her the brand new apartment he bought for them in the city.

He has so many things to show to her, but somehow he still doesn’t know how to tell her the way he really feels about her. She doesn’t seem to know how special she is, what she means to him. _Yeah, I really need to work on that as well._ He swears to himself that next time he sees her, he won’t hesitate again. Back in the cave, that day many months ago, he had told her the truth about his feelings and her face had lit with pure joy at his words.

It isn’t much complicated, after all. He simply has to tell her the truth, and she will accept him again.

Reassured by his own train of thought, he pushes the half-empty bottle away and reluctantly starts working on the Collective figures Keema provided this morning. He will see Sara tomorrow, at their official meeting with the angara representative. Afterward, he will ask her out and apologize. By then, she’ll have calmed down, and he’ll tell her how he feels.

\------------------------------------

“Keema dear, you’re more beautiful than ever.” Reyes feels good this morning, so good he could almost kiss his friend. But Keema raises a questioning eyebrow, clearly surprised to see him.

“I know I’m a bit early, but I think we should discuss some issues before the Pathfinder comes in.”

Keema clears her throat, embarrassed. “Oh, Reyes… you don’t know? Ryder called, saying something came up from the Initiative. The Tempest left in a hurry in the middle of the night. I thought you knew, I’m sorry…”

Reyes straightens up suddenly, his eyes darkening. But his friend is obviously avoiding looking directly at him.

“Did she say anything else?”

“No… Reyes, I’m really sorry. I heard of… what happened yesterday at Tartarus, but Ryder didn’t mention anything, so I didn’t think it was related. I thought she had let you know.”

“And nobody cared to tell me?” Reyes groans, his anger taking control of him. He points a finger at her. “I said that anything— _anything—_ Pathfinder related must go by me immediately,” he hisses with a furious tone. “You should know better, Keema. Track down where she’s gone. Now.”

He leaves the room, trying to remain calm, but deep down he’s bursting with fear and anger. He tries to stay rational. Maybe something really did happen during the night, and Ryder had no time to inform him. But that doesn’t sound logical. Since she had time to call Keema, she could have called him first. No, he suspects she has her own reasons to avoid him, and that thought makes him really mad. He clenches automatically his teeth and fists, without noticing. Fortunately, no one is looking at him right now. He enters Kralla’s Song, determined to get some booze as well as some information from Umi. But the barmaid has nothing interesting for him this time. Ryder was here yesterday morning, right after their fight apparently. She talked with her friends and briefly to Kassim, then left, and Umi hasn’t heard of or seen her since.

Disappointed, he sits in a corner, sipping his drink and trying to think clearly. Sara’s not the kind to run away like that, not in any way. She must be pretty pissed off to flee with her whole crew in the middle of the night. He starts writing a draft email to her but deletes it almost immediately. What could he say to her? That he’s sorry? But sorry for what? No, he won’t apologize this time. He prefers to wait until he learns why she left Kadara in the first place, before making any move. He calls Keema and asks her to join him at Kralla’s. She seems a bit anxious, but agrees to come.  

She joins him soon enough, with some news. “The Tempest boarding logs mention the Nexus as next destination. I just had confirmation from one of our infiltrated agents that the Pathfinder has already arrived, and is currently in a meeting with director Tann.”

So, it does look like she had some business elsewhere. But still, he feels that something’s wrong.

“Reyes… Are you going to tell me what happened yesterday between you two, or not? All your men are frightened, they refuse to tell me anything. And I saw Kassim’s face. Did you hurt him on purpose?”

He sighs. “No, Keema, I didn’t hit anybody. She did.” His friend furrows her brow, so he continues, “Honestly, I don’t know why. One moment everything was fine, and a second later she was pissed and left like a fury. Kassim tried to stop her on my order, and she punched him with her biotics.”

“You must have said or done something wrong, Reyes. Don’t you recall anything?”

“Leave me alone, Keema. I did nothing wrong. When you called me this morning, she was still asleep, and I went to the bathroom for privacy. That’s the only reason I can think of.”

Keema doesn’t seem convinced, but she remains silent for a moment. “Can I do something, Reyes?” she finally asks, concerned for her friend but still tense.

“I’ll let you know.” He stands up, and suddenly he looks extremely tired.

 

Back in his private office, after giving the specific order not to be disturbed in any circumstances, he looks at the mess that Sara left behind her. Broken datapads and glasses are still scattered across the room, and alcohol has spread over the thousand pieces on the floor. The stench will take at least a week to disappear, and he winces in disgust. Going to the bedroom next door, he sits on the bed. Sara’s body print is still on the sheets and her perfume reaches his nose, remembering him that 24 hours ago she was in his arms, warm and tender. He slowly raises his omnitool and starts writing. He should have done it sooner, and he fears it is too late now.

 

_To: Sara Ryder_

_From: Reyes Vidal_

_Sara,_

_Could you tell me what happened yesterday?_

_I still don’t get it._

_Miss you already. When are you coming back?_

_Reyes._

 

He reads it several times, to make sure that there’s nothing in it to anger her whatsoever. Satisfied, he sends it with a twist in his heart.  _Will she answer me?_

\------------------------------------

Her crew was surprised by her decision to go back to the Nexus so quickly, but a warning in her eyes told them not to ask any questions. Kallo entered the coordinates without saying a word about their unusual departure time in the middle of the night, and a few hours later they were landing on the Nexus, just in time for the beginning of the day cycle.

Sara knows it’s artificial, but she loves the way the light is slowly spreading across the whole spacecraft. Only in Kadara can she watch such a beautiful sunrise, but she has a sad feeling that it won’t happen any time soon. So, she takes a few minutes to enjoy the show before heading to the director’s office.

She feels tired. She didn’t sleep very well last night—actually, she didn’t sleep at all. She lay in her bed, listening to SAM chatting in her head about love, lies, and conventions. The AI always tries to relate her feelings for Reyes to what it perceived during the time it was in Alec’s head, and Sara understands why her AI seems so lost and confused. Her father was very different from her. But then SAM implied that, in the end, they were more alike than she could imagine. That was too much to endure for Sara, who put him into sleep mode to avoid furthering the subject. SAM got the message and didn’t bother her with that matter anymore.

With a sigh, she finally heads for the Pathfinders HQ. And Tann's office.

 

He is already waiting for her when she enters the room, and he greets her with a tiny smile. Considering the man, that’s a big step for him, and Sara is glad that she came to see him without delaying it any longer. _Maybe this meeting won’t even be that_ _boring…_

That was a vain wish, of course. Three hours later, she’s still looking at the galaxy map they discovered in Meridian. Hundreds of planets are listed on the map, and she and Tann cannot agree on the direction the Initiative should head first. Sara wants to send a pathfinder in every cardinal direction, to map the systems and then focus on the most interesting ones, but Tann doesn’t want the Nexus to be deprived of all its pathfinders at the same time. It’s an endless discussion and Sara is getting impatient. At last, pulling her nerves together, she suggests that she could go with her crew in the most remote system they found so far, mapping anything they’ll encounter on their way. There, depending on the outcome, other pathfinders will be asked to join her or to explore Heleus further. In the end, Tann agrees and signs her assignment brief. She has her mission, and she’s relieved to finally be able to get away.

Her omnitool rings at an incoming email as she steps out of the director’s office. Reyes. _Crap!_ Only a few hours without thinking about him, and the man is already storming back into her life. She has to answer him… eventually. First, her mission assignment.

 

She spends the rest of day preparing her crew and equipment. Gil is pissed because the Nomad is still in bad shape after their last mission, and he will have to work on it days and nights during their trip, as usual. Peebee is thrilled that they’re going in an undiscovered system. Cora stares at her suspiciously whenever she crosses her. Drack doesn’t say anything, and Jaal wants to practice a ritual before they leave. Sara leaves him alone in his room, and checks with Vetra the ship supplies for their departure the next day.

After that, she still has a lot of paperwork to do, so she sits at her desk in her bedroom and puts some music on. She likes to work while listening to music, especially when it comes to boring chores like this. Reports on expenses, energy consumption, military inventory, … That kind of crap usually drives her mad, but today she almost enjoys the tranquility it offers her.

She’s almost done with that, when Liam enters her bedroom and casually sits on the couch behind her.

“Hey, Liam. Is the music too loud?”

“No, not at all. I was wondering if you had a minute to talk?”

“Mm… sure.” She wonders what’s on his mind. She hopes Gil didn’t tell him anything.

“You might want to close the door, Ryder.” He seems embarrassed.

“Oh… that kind of talk.” She knows she won’t avoid this, so she might as well cope with it now and hear what her teammate has to say. “SAM, please close the door.”

When it’s done, she turns to her friend, but remains at her desk, on guard. “Shoot me, Liam.”

“Do you want to talk about what happened with Reyes?”

“What? No!” She shakes her head, already mad at Gil. “I’m gonna kill him. What did Gil tell you?”

“Nothing, Ryder. Gil said nothing at all. Last night, before leaving Kadara, I was on the docks… and two guys from the Collective were talking about your… little outburst.”

Sara chews on his words, not replying. Liam goes on, “You didn’t tell him we were going, did you? That’s why you had us leaving in the middle of the night. And now you’re setting us for a three-week trip to an unknown system.” He pauses, and adds reluctantly, “If you don’t want to talk about him, that’s fine. Hell, you know I don’t like the man. But your crew needs to be sure that you’re ready to do your job. And, as your friends, we also need to know that you’ll be alright.”

Sara manages to bring a smile to her face. She can feel Liam’s worry, and she knows that he really means well, as her colleague and as her friend.

“You don’t have to worry, Liam. But thank you for your concern. I’m fine, I really am. I just need to get over some personal stuff, but I’m really looking forward to exploring again. Since Meridian, we only chased after dismantled kett, a few rebel Outlaws, and yet fewer Roekaars… No real threats. We’ll get sloppy if we don’t take care.” She winks at him, and he seems relieved.

“That sounds like a plan. We’re all going to the Vortex tonight, will you join us?”

“I still have work to do. But I’ll join you, depending on how late I’m done with this damn paperwork.”

 

When he’s gone and the door’s closed behind him, she lets a long sigh out. She really appreciates her friends’ concern, but sometimes they’re just too annoyingly invasive. In those cases, she has no choice but to put the Pathfinder mask on her face, in order to redirect the conversation and avoid unpleasant topics. It works every time— _Reyes would be so proud of me._

Less than an hour later, she’s finally done with her work. She heard her friends leaving for the club just a while ago, and she decides to go with them. She has only one more thing to do before getting drunk. She pinches her omnitool, thinking about her reply.

 

_To: Reyes Vidal_

_From: Sara Ryder_

_You’ll have to figure that out by yourself... I don’t know exactly, I just lost it._

_We’re leaving for a long-term mission tomorrow. Don’t expect to hear from me soon._

 

His reply comes in within the minute, but she’s already on the deck, running to catch on with her crew.

 

_To: Sara Ryder_

_From: Reyes Vidal_

_Then I’ll miss you even more._

_Take care, Sara._

_Reyes._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a slow burn here, I know. But we’re getting there…


	3. Row, row, row your boat…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where he learns something new

Three weeks. Three long weeks without any contact with her, without figuring _anything_ out.

Reyes paces in his room in Tartarus, a familiar environment since her departure. His anxiety has now turned to sorrow. He’s conflicted, one part of him wanting to blame her and just forget about the damn woman, and the other longing after her smell, her skin, her laugh. And caught between those torn parts of him, he pines for her presence.

 

Keema’s arrival disrupts his internal moaning. “You look like hell, Reyes. You need to cut off the drinking.”

He ignores her comment. “What’s up, Keema?”

She frowns but nevertheless insists. “I’m serious, Reyes. Looks like you’re losing it.”

“I meant Collective related.” His tone is cold, his eyes blank.

Keema sighs before complying. “Nothing much. We’re good so far. We have a new steady input of money, thanks to our young farmers in the North. Their business is expanding, and we share profits in return for protection and distribution. It’ll fund the construction of the new water pipe, starting next week.”

Reyes raises an interested eyebrow, his attention caught, and she develops. “You know, the two herbalist entrepreneurs. Their HQ is in Kurinth’s Valley.”

“The weed guys?”

“Yes, that’s how she called it, too. Remember? Ryder suggested that we handle the weed business after she destroyed the Oblivion formula. Which was a brilliant idea, indeed. This drug is smooth, makes people happy, can cure diseases, and grows faster than Paripo fruits. And since it’s the only drug in the whole system, it’s selling like hotcakes. Really, the Pathfinder did us a huge favor.”

He grumbles. “Great, you finally managed to bring her name in the conversation. I was wondering how long it would take.”

The bitterness of his tone doesn’t stop her. “Stop acting like that, Reyes. I know you think about her all day long. I know your face when you do—and you were doing it right when I came in.” She pauses. “About this weed business, though. You should go there yourself, see how they’re doing. You could use some time off. And you should also try their medicine. From what I’ve heard, it’s pretty effective.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go tomorrow. But only if you stop mentioning her.”

“I won’t talk about Ryder for a few days, I promise.” Keema’s smiling widely.

\------------------------------------

Flying his shuttle away from the port, he feels much better in an instant. He didn’t have a drink since last night and, oddly, it feels good. Sun is shining, and he rests against the pilot seat, his feet on the control panel. Chilling for what seems to be the first time in weeks... When he lands on the ground an hour later, he suddenly recognizes the place. It’s not far away from where Sara fought the architect. He remembers the vid of the fight she had shown to him. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen her in action, but he was still both impressed and aroused by her performance. Watching her, all fury and bravery in combat, had made him want to hold her tight. He smiles at the souvenir.

 

The five-floor prefab structure can only be accessed by one entrance, its ramp towering above the cliff. _Good point for security_ , he thinks, putting on his role of a Collective assessor. The door is locked, security cameras fixed on him. But he doesn’t bother to wait. He has the code and therefore enters without announcing himself, making the two young men inside jump and freeze.

He holds a hand in the air to soothe them. “Relax. The Charlatan is sending me. He wants an overview of your activities. Production assessment, and so on. I’m Reyes Vidal.” He holds out his hand to greet them, eyeing around the room. It looks like the office, but a cozy kind of office, with couches and a coffee table. One desk in a corner, and one huge plant standing beside a UV lamp, spreading its smell.

“Oh yeah, I remember someone mentioning you coming by. I’m Jack, and this is Tom.” The blond guy points to the other. They both seem relieved.

_A bit gullible, thought. Didn’t even think to confirm my identity…_

 

“We just finished harvesting some buds. Check yourself.” Jack opens the top drawer of the desk, showing Reyes how full it is. Then he points to the plant. “This is our first plant. Doesn’t grow anymore, but we can’t throw it away. We call it Potfinder.” They both giggle.

“Huh… sorry about that.” Tom is now talking. “The other plants are below, let me show you.”

Reyes follows them downstairs, not commenting on their silly joke but frowning. The smell increases gradually, and soon he’s almost high only by breathing. All the rooms are filled with green plants under blue UV lights, casting ghostly shadows on the walls. Temperature’s hot, almost tropical. It reminds him of his native country, in a way.

_Those two idiots lack organization, but they sure know how to grow weed. Keema was right, this is a good investment._

“Do you have figures I could provide to the Charlatan? Production rate, water needs, that kind of stuff?”

“Huh… not really, man. We’re not accountants. We’re… farmers.” And they giggle once more.

“I want a report by tomorrow morning. Here’s my contact information.” He sends it with his omnitool. “I’m serious. Get to it. The Collective needs to know that you are not stealing from us. We paid for the construction of those growing labs. We’re partners, never forget it.” The threat in his voice is pretty clear, and they both nod quickly, agreeing instantly.

“Anything you need, man. It’ll be done.”

“And don’t call me ‘man’.”

“Okay, sorry. Do you… do you want a sample? A free sample, I mean. If you want.” Jack winks at him.

Reyes hesitates. “… I’ll take it, to run some tests on it.”

“Oh, it’s pure, don’t worry. The Pathfinder already scanned and analyzed it, it’s perfectly fine.”

“The Pathfinder came here?” He’s genuinely surprised. She never mentioned that.

“Ryder? Sure. She found the UV lights for us, that’s why we named our first plant after her. A great girl, and fun. Her AI is fun, too. It sang for us, once, you should have been there. Tom almost wet himself for laughing so much!”

Shock must be obvious on his face, because they suddenly stop howling. “But she’s cool, really, she won’t bring any trouble, I swear. We heard she’s a friend of the Collective, right? And she likes her weed, man. I mean, sir. She won’t be no threat.” They anxiously look at him.

“That’s alright. But don’t tell anyone about her. We don’t want any problem with the Initiative. Understood?”

They nod heavily.

“Okay, then. I want those figures by tomorrow, don’t forget.” He takes his sample and leaves.

\------------------------------------

_Ryder, smoking weed? The woman sure comes with a lot of surprises._

He landed his shuttle in the mountains on his way back, not wanting yet to return to the loneliness of his bedroom. He looks down on the city below him. Sunlight is quickly fading away, and he feels the night chill spreading on his face. He pulls out from his pocket the sample Jack gave him earlier. There’s cigarette paper in it, and he starts rolling.

He’s reflecting on what he learned. That was… unexpected. He knew she was a party-kind-of-girl, but this is a whole new level.

 _What else did she not tell me about her?_  he asks to himself while lighting his joint. He heavily coughs at the first drag, but soon it gets easier. The familiar sensation from hundreds of years ago comes back suddenly, and he feels much more relaxed than a few hours ago.

_And how come I never thought to ask her about her past?_

He’s never been particularly curious about what she did before coming in Andromeda, but suddenly this raises a bunch of questions in his head. He doesn’t even know exactly how old she is, and that’s silly. Actually, this may be one of the reasons why she’s not willing to commit anything with him—he’s not committing, either. He realizes that, by always pretending to be so casual, or to be someone else, he’d probably let her think that he didn’t care about her. Old habits die hard… Maybe that’s part of the problem. Whenever he hides something from her, she can sense it. And his whole life is a lie. She must be really lost, as self-confident and bold as she can be.  

Or maybe that’s just the weed talking. This stuff is hitting him hard. His thoughts seem to float in front of him, and every time he tries to grab one of them it just... floats further away. All he can focus on is her. Inhaling deeply, he suddenly decides that he has to do _something_. It’s been three weeks now… He should be able to safely risk sending her an innocent email.

 

_To: Sara Ryder_

_From: Reyes Vidal_

_Seriously, Sara, weed?_ _You never told me about that…_

_I hope you’re doing alright._

_Still missing you,_

_Reyes._

Her answer is almost immediate, but so concise and terse that it hurts.

_To: Reyes Vidal_

_From: Sara Ryder_

_Why would I have told you? You never asked._

 

She’s still mad. But she’s answering. That’s good news.

 

_To: Sara Ryder_

_From: Reyes Vidal_

_True._

_I don’t blame you, though. That stuff is pretty good. I’ll try to save some for when you return._

_Just wondering, what else did you not tell me?_

_To: Reyes Vidal_

_From: Sara Ryder_

_What did I not tell you? Are you kidding?_

_Are you really going to pretend nothing happened?_

_To: Sara Ryder_

_From: Reyes Vidal_

_Alright. I guess I had that coming._

_We need to talk. Please let me know when you’ll be back?_

 

_To: Reyes Vidal_

_From: Sara Ryder_

_Like I said, not anytime soon. Kind of busy here._

_I’ll let you know._

So, his last assumption was right—she’s still mad, and it’s about something he’s hiding from her. She must have discovered something. But what? Now, he has to know, just as much as he needs to. His mind suddenly never seemed clearer. His decision is made: if he wants intel, he’d better go directly to the source. And he knows exactly where he can find information about the Pathfinder...

He drags one last puff and stubs out the butt on the ground. Going back to his shuttle, he calls Keema on her personal line. She answers immediately.

“Keema, I’m going to the Nexus tomorrow. I’ll be back soon. Find some kind of official reason for visiting, commerce or whatever, but I don’t want to be disturbed.”

“Reyes, are you high? What are you up to?”

“Yes. And I came up with an idea. I won’t tell you, so don’t bother asking. Just do as I said.” Then he adds, “Thanks.”

“Reyes…” She sighs. “... you must be kidding me. But alright, I’ll make something up. Just… behave, and take care, okay?”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny anecdote about the title of this chapter: the very first time I played ME:A, I met the “weed guys” (idk how to call them) before helping the exiles in the refugees camp, and the mission Herbal Entrepreneurs led to an absolutely hilarious scene where SAM sings his own version of “Row, row, row your boat”… Maybe it’s a bug but since then, I could never play that scene again, and that’s a shame!! I wish I had recorded it (but there are videos available on the net if you missed that) ;)
> 
> EDIT: Here’s the link to watch the video on my [ blog ](https://obvidalous.tumblr.com/post/170504689180/apparently-some-people-have-never-played-that).


	4. The hard way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where SAM almost makes a joke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we find out what kept Sara so busy all this time. And she makes some discoveries of her own…

Sara feels tired. She jumped in her bed two minutes before receiving Reyes’ first email, and now she’s not sure that she will be able to sleep at all, even if she could really use some rest.

She managed to keep him away from her thoughts during their journey to system H-089v, keeping herself busy with her crew. Preparing combat strategies, listening to Jaal’s lessons about angaran history, working out with Liam in the armory… that was easy, and it made time fly faster than she would’ve thought. Plus, she worked continuously on the data they were collecting during their trip, keeping regularly updated thanks to SAM’s help and guidance, and preparing reports in case the other pathfinders should join them later. She wants to be able to deal with any eventual contingencies.

 

Yes, those last three weeks went by in the blink of an eye.

Physically, she feels fine. But she’s tired of pretending. Tired of hiding to everybody that she has a thing going on with Reyes Vidal, aka the Charlatan, and hiding to the few people who actually know about them what’s going on between them. Wherever she looks, she’s trapped with herself. Gil is the only person she could talk to, but she unconsciously avoided being alone with him. She’s a bit afraid of what he might tell her, to be honest. She’s not sure she wants to hear it, and prefers to deal with this alone.

Looking one more time at Reyes’ email on her omnitool, she wonders what he’s doing, and how he found out about her smoking weed. She sighs. She smoked weed only once in 600 years, and of course he had to find out about that… that’s annoying. She could use a smoke right now, actually, even just a cigarette. It would help her to sleep. But she cannot smoke on the Tempest, so she quickly sneaks in the kitchen and steals a beer from Liam’s personal stock, before going back to bed and closing the door of her bedroom behind her.

Safely buried inside her blankets, she replies to Reyes, quickly getting angrier when she realizes that the man definitely doesn’t take anything seriously. _He acts as nothing happened_. She ends the conversation, and puts her omnitool aside.

 

She’s really confused when it comes to him. When they first met, she immediately knew that he would cause her trouble, for he is just the perfect good-looking, confident and sassy kind of man, like the ones she’d always seemed to be fooling with since she got her first boyfriend, when she was 15. Scott never met Reyes, but he recognized him after she’d told him only two sentences about her lover. Her brother knows her type...

So, it wasn't surprising when she found herself sticking with the Collective and continuing to sleep with Reyes, even after discovering he was the Charlatan. She’s always been very independent in her choices, whether in her love life or at work, and she doesn’t believe their relationship could ever compromise her. She doesn’t care about what he does for a living, who is she to judge him? Actually, she admires the choices he made since he came in Heleus and the way he handled Kadara since he gained control over the port. What bothers her is not the secrets—it’s the lies. She cannot understand why he insists on lying about who he is, pretending to be someone else. She doesn’t care for someone else, she only cares for Reyes Vidal.

She drinks one long and angry sip from the bottle, and can’t help but to think about what Gil said to her, last time at Kralla’s. That she cared more than she thought. And that’s when it hits her, the thought suddenly striking through her brain and making her freeze in her bed. Her heart pounding, she finally realizes what’s happening to her.

She refused to acknowledge it for so long, to everybody and to herself… but she has fallen for the man. Desperately, without even noticing. Gil was right. She always pretended their relation was casual— _no strings attached—_ but she wanted more. And that’s the reason why she felt so betrayed by his lie. She did let herself fall in love with him, the shady smuggler with a heartbreaking smile and a fantastic set of sexual skills _._ She was seduced and tricked by something that didn’t even exist… and mistook a booty call for something else.

 _That’s something new_. She has never been in love before. _Is it really what it feels like?_ That would explain her outburst, though. That would explain a lot.

 

 _Shit. I am a fool_.

She wonders how it happened. Of course, there had been moments when she felt as if there was more than just sex between them. On several occasions, she let her thoughts wander about what a life with him would be like. How it would feel to wake up by his side every day, make jokes while enjoying breakfast, kiss him whenever she feels like it… Every time, those thoughts had seemed silly to her. But now, she understands a part of her always wanted that. This intimacy. The love.

There were times when she felt like she could see something similar in Reyes’ eyes. An unexpected, unsettling depth in his gaze, or tender and passionate whispers murmured in Spanish between her lips while he was kissing her. Harsh breaths, hummed against her skin with devotion. She remembers the night they spent together on Meridian, after defeating the archon. They watched the sun rising, and it felt so right, back then. They were completely alone, and they were happy. At least, she thought they were.

She winces and empties her beer in a single sip. Suddenly, she misses him so much that all her anger goes away, leaving her with nothing but a heavy heart. She spent three weeks trying to forget about him, mad at him, trying to pretend that he didn’t mean anything to her. Denying that she was thinking of him every damn minute. Tonight, her resentment is finally gone. But the bitter taste of persistent sadness in her throat doesn’t make it better. It only fills her with a powerless sensation of despair.

 

“… SAM?”

“Yes, Pathfinder?”

“Last time, you were telling me how Alec and I were more alike than I thought, especially when it comes to relationships. Did you mean by that that my father never acknowledged he loved my mother?”

“No, Ryder, that is not what I meant. Alec confessed it took him some time to realize the depth of his feelings. But once he had acknowledged them fully, he totally committed in his relationship with your mother. I was trying to point out the fact that, like your father, you are uncommonly stubborn when it comes to showing any form of weakness. This has many implications in your personal relationships, whether friendly or… romantic.”

For a while, Sara reflects on what SAM just told her. She surely does not appreciate to think that she can be weak, in any way. And she wouldn’t want anybody to think that of her, either. That’s precisely the reason why she tried her best to avoid her friends during the last three weeks.

SAM goes on, “And, since you agreed to talk about this matter, I would like to add that Mr. Vidal is not without sharing some kind of resemblance with the both of you. I could even say that he is more stubborn than you and your father put together, but that would be a rhetorical assessment.”

Sara smiles poorly. She cannot deny that. “But Alec would’ve hated Reyes.”

“He would have, indeed. Maybe this is partially an explanation for your attraction to Mr. Vidal.”

“SAM! You’re saying that I’m attracted to Reyes because it would have pissed off my father? That’s insane… Next thing you’re gonna tell me, is that Reyes _is_ my father, right?”

“As a matter of fact, I–”

“No, stop SAM, please. I’ve heard enough for one night. I just want to forget about Reyes. And to sleep. Wake me up if anything comes up.”

“Of course, Pathfinder. Good night.”

 

Sleep is hard to come after that. She’s blaming herself for everything that happened. She really should have known better. Falling in love was a mistake, a huge mistake. Reyes is not the kind of man to commit to one woman, that’s something she’s sure of. And he’s not the kind to share his secrets, either. He’s not a man you’re supposed to love, he’s the kind of man you should run away from. He cannot be trusted.

It hurts her to think that she was weak enough to forget the harsh reality behind dating that kind of men… who are very attractive, but way too dangerous. She secretly swears that she learned her lessons this time, and she learned it the hard way. It might take a while before she gets over it, but she will, eventually. If there’s one thing her father taught her, it’s that mistakes are only useful when you don’t repeat them—otherwise you’re just a hopeless fool.

 

She turns in her bed until a restless sleep finally takes hold of her. When SAM wakes her up a few hours later, she feels like she didn’t sleep at all. Repressing a yawn, she heads to the bridge.

“What’s up?” she asks to Suvi and Kallo, concentrated in their chairs.

“We’re about to reach H-089v, Pathfinder,” the pilot responds. He seems tense. “Maybe we should tell the crew.”

Sara calls for the team through the intercom. “Wake up, team! ETA on H-089v is 15 minutes. Everybody, get ready for whatever is waiting for us out there.”

Peebee opens the door of her escape pod immediately. “Finally! Let’s go, Ryder!”

Sara smiles at her. Her friend seems really thrilled and her enthusiasm is contagious. The rest of her team joins the bridge a few minutes later, and they stare together through the window, waiting for the undiscovered system to reveal itself. 

 

Suvi is the first to react at the view that just appeared in front of them. “What the hell? Meridian map didn’t report scourge phenomenon in this part of the galaxy…”

But the cloud tentacles are everywhere around them, there’s no point in trying to deny that. Kallo immobilizes the Tempest and looks anxiously at Ryder. “What should we do?”

Sara thinks fast. “We need to scan the system before thinking about leaving. We didn’t come this far to turn around after two minutes. Kallo, try to find a way to circle the system without damaging the ship. Suvi, I want every scan working full time, with full scope.”

The next minutes pass by slowly, filled with the clicking sounds of two people working on computers and the roars of the ship’s engines until SAM's voice disrupts the silence. “Scans detect living creatures in one of the planets above us, in the border of the system. However, I cannot determine which kind of beings we are dealing with. We need to get closer.”

Kallo sighs. “I can try to get us closer, but it’s dangerous. The scourge seems to be moving around here.”

“The scourge appears to be recent in this area, Pathfinder. My calculation indicate that it probably appeared only 20 years ago. That would explain why there was no mention of it in Meridian data,” SAM adds after a few seconds. “It also seems to be spreading, and fast.”

“I don’t like that, not at all.” Ryder is shaking her head. “But go ahead. Get us closer, Kallo. Slowly.”

 

They all wait in silence. The pilot is good at his job, and within minutes SAM metallic voice echoes again through the intercom. “Lives beneath us are definitively angara. But I cannot find any trace of such a civilization in this system in any database, Initiative or Resistance.”

“Angara?” Jaal’s astonished. “I never heard of angara traveling to this part of the galaxy… What are they doing here?”

Sara looks him in the eyes before answering, “That’s what we have to find out.”

“Pathfinder, I also detect a kett structure on the planet,” SAM adds. “It might be a wrecked ship, middle-size. You should expect to encounter some resistance.”

She grins ferociously. “That’s just getting better, then. How do we land?”

Peebee is the one to come up with a solution. “We could try sending a forward station, even blind-eyed.”

“That would require some tricky calculation,” Suvi interjects. “And there’s no way to make sure that the station will land in a suitable position.”

“If anyone has a better idea, it’s time to speak up.” As they all remain silent, Sara goes on, “Suvi, get started on those calculation. Kallo, keep moving us carefully, I want to map as much as we can before going down there. Peebee and Jaal, prepare to come with me.”

Jaal nods thankfully to her, and Peebee is more thrilled than ever. They head together to the airlock and start putting on their armor. By the time they're all geared up, the forward station is already waiting for them on the ground, thanks to Suvi's precise computation, and they reach safely the ground of H-089v. 

 

The planet looks like Havarl, the only difference being that here, every plant seems to have rotten on the ground. Sara is glad that she has her helmet on. SAM told them the atmosphere was totally breathable, but that the pungent smell would probably make them sick. So, helmets on, they’re progressing through sticky swamps of decomposed plants. There’s no sign of any construction on the ground, nor of any life around them. No birds, no animals. Her scan indicates that the kett ship is a bit further away, so they head in that direction, trying to remain as silent as possible.

When the wrecked ship comes in sight, SAM suddenly speaks on their private channel. “Pathfinder, you have a new email from Mr. Vidal.”

“Not now, SAM!” She shouted that out loud, and her friends suspiciously look at her. “Don’t worry. That’s nothing. Let’s focus.” She shakes her head and motions her crew to keep walking by pointing two fingers forward. _Concentrate, and keep quiet_ , she silently advises herself.

But too late. Her sensors light up, warning her of a presence nearby. And moving fast toward them. Before she can make any further movement, they’re surrounded, and eight plasma guns are pointing to the three of them.

Sara hears Peebee whispering on the intercom. “Oh… shit.”

She tries to remain calm, and quietly raises a peaceful hand in the air, surrendering. “We’re not here to harm you–”


	5. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where he finally figures it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We left Reyes on his way to the Nexus… and what he finds there will change everything.

It’s the first time Reyes returns to the Nexus since he left over a year ago. He got his credentials and permission to come back right after the battle on Meridian, Ryder having negotiated a full pardon for the exiles that had participated in. But he never felt like coming back. Today is different, though. He has a secret mission, and the thrill is almost making him shiver, despite his exhaustion.

He only slept a few hours before jetting off, and he’s relieved when he finally lands his shuttle safely on the docks. It’s been a rough trip. Luckily, he packed enough caffeine to make it through, and Nakamoto’s stimulant injection helped to dilute his drowsiness, too. But as soon as he steps out of his shuttle, he instantly forgets his fatigue.

The ship developments are amazing, and he cannot believe his eyes. When he left during the rebellion, most areas were still restricted due to lack of power. But now, the whole place is buzzing with people and activity. The day and night cycles have been put back on, and judging by the current light in the artificial sky, the afternoon will soon let the evening take over. It suits him perfectly. He doesn’t want to be recognized by too many people, and darkness is going to help him in his task.

He goes to the shops first and buys an Initiative outfit, a plastic basket and electronic devices, wires, plugs, and cables of all sorts. Then he heads to the tram station, waiting for an empty shuttle. Inside, he changes clothes and makes a quick encrypted call to one of his informants on board. His mole is working at Nexus security and, pretending to be on a mission for the Charlatan, Reyes easily convinces the man to be in charge of the Pathfinder’s quarters security for the night and to let him pass through.

He knows Sara's HQ has been moved to the Nexus cryo bay after the Hyperion crashed on Meridian and was transformed into a museum. Ryder shares a bedroom with her brother when he’s on board, but she told him that Scott was almost never there, being too busy with the military training he’s providing to the new Initiative troops on Eos. Reyes secretly hopes that Scott’s not here tonight, he’s not really interested in meeting the man right now. Anyway, he’s not interested in visiting the Ryders’ bedroom, either. There’s nothing in there for him, if she’s not in it.   

No. Tonight, he only wants to access SAM node.

 

He gets off the shuttle in cryo bay, just long enough to hide his basket in a corner, behind some crates, and quickly returns to the docks. He still has a few hours before the night shift, and he intends to spend them well. If Ryder ever taught him anything, it’s that there’s nothing wrong with mixing pleasure and business. He heads to the Vortex, curious to see the place where Sara and her friends spend almost all their nights when on board.

He enters the club, welcomed by heavy music and dim light. But the place is much classier than anything he has ever seen in Heleus: new furniture, shiny neon lights, a round bar with features of the latest modern design, comfortable and cozy couches… even the smell is nice. He should send some pictures of this place to Kian. Maybe it’d give him new ideas to redecorate Tartarus…

There are not many people in the club at this hour. He orders a drink— _What is it in Heleus with asari barmaid?_ he briefly thinks to himself—and then sits in the darkest corner of the club, far away from the dancefloor and the spotlights. And he waits.

Vortex is filling up quickly, and within the hour the place is full of Initiative tags chatting and enjoying their drink. Nobody pays him any attention. He recognizes some faces, but can’t remember their names. He doesn’t want to talk to anybody, anyway. The less people know about his trip, the better.

Hours pass by slowly, and he remains hidden in the shadows, silently drinking. He’s about to order one more drink when he finally receives confirmation that his agent is in place.

 

It’s almost midnight when he gets off the Vortex. Docks are empty, and so is the tram station. In cryo bay, he retrieves the basket he left earlier and heads toward the Pathfinder’s HQ, trying to look casual. Two guards are standing in the hall, and one of them nods when Reyes passes in front of him, pretending to be bringing electronic components requested by the Pathfinder. _So far, so good_ , he thinks, but that was the easy part. Now he only hopes that he will be able to enter SAM node.

He stops in front of the door, raising his omnitool to launch a special program he came up with after Sara had hacked his personal computer. She may have never realized it, but by doing so she allowed him to understand SAM encryption patterns better, and he really hopes that this will work. If not, he will have to randomly try to figure out the password, which could take the night…

He taps on his omnitool, and within seconds, the door opens in front of him. Surprised, but relieved, he swiftly enters the dark room filled with buzzing electronics. When he steps in, the door closes itself behind him, and a voice coming out of nowhere speaks to him.

“Good evening, Mr. Vidal.”

Reyes is stunned for a second. _What the f–_ , but then he understands. He heard that mechanical voice before. “SAM? What are you doing here? I mean, I thought you’d be with Sara…”

“Indeed, I am currently assisting the Pathfinder and her crew. But, as an AI, you should know that I can perform several duties at the same time, and I am obviously permanently connected to my node.”

 _Of course_ , Reyes thinks to himself. _I should have known._

“Is there any particular reason for you visiting a private room without the Pathfinder’s knowledge, if I may ask, Mr. Vidal?”

“Well, yes… SAM, I’m sorry, I assumed you’d be with Sara, not here. I know I’m not supposed to be here. But it’s just that… I miss her, and she won’t talk to me, and I _have_ to figure out why… Could you help me?”

“I could, indeed, Mr. Vidal. But let me make clear that I won’t tell you anything. I only let you in because I assumed that, whatever her feelings toward you at the moment, Ryder would not want you to be caught here and therefore imprisoned.”

“… You let me in?”

“Of course, I did, Mr. Vidal. Did you really think you could hack your way into my security systems with a simple software?”

It sounds like SAM really nailed down Sara’s natural sarcasm. Reyes is sure he heard a conceited tone in the AI metallic voice. “Then if you let me in, why not help me?”

“I reckon that the Pathfinder would not be happy, were I to share personal information about her with you or with anyone for that matter. I am not comfortable to do such a thing without her approval. But I can ask her if you want.”

“No! No, please, SAM. I… I don’t want her to get mad at me. No more, at least. Please don’t tell her I came here. It could be our little secret.”

The AI doesn’t answer immediately, and Reyes starts to fear that it’s connecting to Sara. He's relieved to hear SAM finally replying.

“I can agree to that, Mr. Vidal. I will not tell her.”

“Thank you, SAM. Is… is Sara alright?”

“I am afraid that I cannot answer that question. It would break our confidentiality agreement. She is alive, that is all I can say.”

“Okay, SAM. Sorry I asked.” Reyes pauses. _What to do, now?_  This is a total fuck-up. He should’ve never come. “I will leave you then. Thanks again, for not telling her I mean. And good night.”

“Mr. Vidal?” The AI interrupts him as he’s about to get out. “You might benefit, however, from a little visit in Operations center, if I may suggest. If you’re looking for information about the Pathfinder, there should be something there to ease your curiosity.”

Reyes is about to ask the AI what that means, but SAM adds, oddly softly, “And good night to you too, Mr. Vidal.”

 

Reyes returns to the tram station, wondering what the AI meant by saying he could find information about Sara in the Operations center. It’s risky for him to go there, there are much more chances of being caught while scouting a place near Addison and Tann’s offices… But so far, he’s still empty-handed, and he refuses to have done all that for nothing. He’s even wearing Initiative clothes, for god’s sake. _Everything will be fine_.

Getting out in Operations, he’s once again astonished to see how much the place has changed since Ryder came in Heleus. It’s now brightly lit, and despite the late hour, the place is lively and crowded with people working on every station or carrying things around the place. In a glance, he sees Kandros talking to some soldiers, but luckily the turian doesn’t spot him. Reyes goes the other way to avoid him. Climbing up the ramp, his eyes are attracted by a giant screen in the middle of the floor, and his heart misses a beat when the image on it suddenly changes from a view of Meridian to a picture of Ryder in her armor.

As he comes nearer, an electronic voice greets him. “Welcome, user. Please choose your entry.”

 _That’s new_ , he thinks. _Could it be what SAM was talking about?_

 

He presses the ‘Human Pathfinder’ entry on the public terminal. His heart pounding, he briefly considers the available data: accomplishment, mission, biography. Choosing the latter without hesitation, he starts reading. It’s more thorough than he would have thought, and he wishes he could copy all the data on his omnitool and go away. But he can’t, and the opportunity is too good to be missed. So, he reads everything with attention.

Sara’s only three years younger than him, which is a surprise—he thought she was much younger. She was born and raised in the Citadel, but she went to college in Vancouver, Canada. She joined the Initiative right after graduating, though. That’s probably when she learned about her mother’s disease and got her biotic implant. Yes, because she joined the Hyperion squad immediately after. What follows is of no interest. Military training, a short trip back to the Citadel, then the Hyperion. And the rest, he already knows.

Frustrated, he presses the next entry on the terminal, 'Personal data'. There are a lot of pictures of her childhood on the Citadel, either with her brother and mother, or from school plays. There’s also a picture of her shaking commander Shepard’s hand, when she was about six or seven years old, which makes him smile. The last picture is from her graduation, and he notices that her father wasn’t there that day—actually, the only picture he’s on is the one with Shepard... But Sara is smiling widely to the camera, proudly holding her diploma.

He presses a few more entries on the screen, curious to find out what she studied exactly. Some scientific crap, probably. He’s surprised to see that she studied archeology. One more thing he didn’t know about her, and that he never would have guessed. He always assumed that she had followed her dad her entire life, without having a real choice about her career. But the fact that she went to Earth for her studies suggests that she wanted to take some distance from her parents, and he realizes that the Ryders’ family history must be more complicated than he thought...

He puts the information aside for later in a corner of his mind and keeps on reading. But all of a sudden, a simple and innocent sentence that he never expected to read hits him head-on. Completely stunned during a few seconds, he needs to read it a second time to be sure. But it’s written right there, without any doubt: she went to Chile during her studies and spent almost six months there, preparing her thesis on the ancient civilizations of South America… which she wrote in Spanish.

_Fuck. She speaks Spanish._ How could he not know that?

 

He gets it now. It crashes suddenly on him, blood painfully hammering through his veins. That day, he pretended he was from Spain. But she’d heard him talking Spanish. He assumed she had her translator on, but now he realizes that she hadn’t.

She understood him. Recognized his Chilean accent, judged him as the lying bastard he was… and left in a fury. _Shit_.  

Such a tiny, stupid lie. He said it so many times since he came in Heleus, he almost came to the point of believing it himself. It was just one little lie… but one too many.

 

His head buzzing, he takes a step backward. He glances around, but no one seems to have noticed his behavior. He tries not to run to the tram station and needs all his focus to manage to do so. He jumps in the first shuttle that appears, and not worrying about the people inside, he sits down with a loud sigh and takes his head into his hands.

At that precise moment, he really hates himself. Hates who he is, who he has become. If he could erase everything, he would do it without hesitation. He joined the Initiative and came to Heleus to finally be someone and, somewhere on the path, he came to be someone else. He caught Sara’s affection by being someone… and lost her trust not by being the Charlatan, but by lying about who he really was.

_What have I done? I don’t deserve her._

 

He returns to his aircraft in a hurry and requests immediate departure. As soon as he’s flying in outer space, he starts writing.

 

_To: Sara Ryder_

_From: Reyes Vidal_

_Sara,_

_I did what you said. I’ve figured it out. I get it now._

_I’ve been a stupid, silly, and terrible liar my whole life. I’m sorry._

_Do you remember what I told you in the cave, on Kadara? I need to say it again. Out loud._

_And it won’t be a lie. No more lies._

_Please… come back to me._

_Reyes._


	6. New friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one filled with mud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, and I’m sorry it took me so long to write it. I had never written anything like that, so it was a bit of a challenge for me. I hope you like it… 
> 
> *RPG mode on*

“We’re not here to harm you…”

But the rest of the sentence dies in her throat. Eight angara are looking at her with blank eyes, and none of them makes a move, their guns still pointing to the Pathfinder’s squad.

Sara spots immediately that something’s wrong. She can feel it in her guts, and she knows that her teammates are feeling the same. The angara are wearing ragged clothes, and they look weak and starving. But what strikes her the most, is their complexion. It’s darker than any of the angara she has ever met, of a dark-night blue color that reflects the yellowed tint of the sky. As if they were going black, for lack of sunlight.

Jaal is about to say something when Sara straightens suddenly at the sight of the dark shadow that is approaching. She unconsciously raises her gun. A kett is coming toward them, walking slowly with the calm but decisive strides of someone who knows he owns the place, a predatory smile on his face.

He airily motions the angara out of his way, and they swiftly move away to avoid his touch. He stops a few feet in front of Sara, his cold stare stretching on her helmet, then on Peebee’s, and finally landing on Jaal’s Rofjinn. Sara can see the kett slightly licking his lips when he realizes that Jaal is an angara, too.

Sara immediately feels anger boiling inside her. She _really_ hates kett and their so-called fallacious superiority. Without thinking, she makes a step forward to protect her friend. She feels, more than she hears, the twitch of the angara on their riffle, ready to fire. Regardless, she stands bravely in front of Jaal, daring the despised creature to come closer.

“What have you done to these poor souls, you degenerate freak?”

The kett doesn’t seem impressed at all. He points his gun directly to Sara’s head and makes another step forward. “Shut up. Who are you? _What_ are you?” He speaks like someone who’s used to being obeyed, his assessing eyes trying to identify them.

Sara never felt so tense. All of her nerves yearn to attack, to kick the hell out of this damn kett and tear him in half with a biotic charge. It looks like he holds the angara in slavery, and Sara cannot bear that thought. Not after everything that they went through. Not after Meridian, after having almost died to defeat the Archon and stopped the exaltation process once and for all… She has sworn that no more angara will ever suffer those torments again.

But with nine guns currently pointed at the three of them, she daren’t start a gunfight. Their armors cannot hold the shock from such a short range, and she cannot be sure that the angara will be on her side. No, right now she has no choice but to temporize if she wants all of them to get out of this hell alive.

She clenches her fists while trying to control herself. The kett probably understands her train of thought and he seems delighted to see that Sara chooses not to fight when she reluctantly drops down her weapon. He motions her to remove her helmet, but Sara hesitates a bit too long before abiding. He repeats his gesture, and this time he hits her head with the flat side of his gun.

Sara secretly swears that she will rip him apart, as soon as she gets a chance.

But she finally complies.

 

She slowly removes the safety locks, one by one. The low hiss that’s produced when the pressurized air of her helmet is released makes the kett jump, and Sara freezes. For a second, she thought he was going to shoot. But the kett motions her to continue, and Sara finally takes off her helmet, revealing what she hopes to be her best poker face.

She maintains a neutral face as long as she can, which is merely a second. The moment she breathes in for the first time, a terrible and disgusting stench suddenly takes hold of her, awful and persistent. Worse than the sulfuric smell of Kadara’s hot springs the first time she landed on the planet, worse than the emanations of the mining camps she visited while she was on earth, worse than everything. It burns her throat and she swallows hard to try to make it go away, once, then twice. But it doesn’t help, on the contrary the taste of rotten decay on her taste buds is getting worse. She can feel nausea coming up in her trachea and reaching the back of her tongue.

Sara barely hears SAM talking to her on their private channel. “There is no point in trying to resist the urge, Pathfinder. I am doing my best to reduce the pain, but I recommend letting your body naturally adjust to the ambient acidity. The feeling should pass soon.”

The air around her is so thick that she feels like she could eat it. She cannot fight it anymore. She bends forwards and lets out all the content of her stomach, with violent spasms that agitate her for almost a whole minute before she can finally catch her breath. Struggling to keep control over her body, she finally manages to stand up, gritting her teeth. She wipes her mouth with her glove, totally disgusted.

 

The kett did not make a move, watching her the whole time with undisguised contempt.

“Never seen someone puking his guts out, or what?”, Sara mumbles.

The kett tilts his head at those words, a questioning look in his eyes, and suddenly Sara realizes what’s going on. She can understand them, but the kett and the angara cannot. She notices that apart from theirs guns, they don’t seem to carry technology of any form, no comms, no omnitools, no scanners… nothing. Which means that they probably have been trapped on the planet for a long time, since they crashed here. And therefore, they most likely never heard of the Initiative, of the Pathfinders and SAM… nor of her biotic capabilities.

She manages not to smile and keeps an even face while two angara strip her of her weapons and search through her belongings. Her stomach is still convulsing, but she ignores it the best she can. The other angara turn to Peebee and Jaal and force them to remove their helmets and weapons as well. Sara feels for her friends as she watches them go through the same distress she endured a few minutes ago.

Peebee falls on her knees and throws up just like she did, but Jaal seems to be handling the pungent smell much better. He simply coughs uncomfortably for a moment, staring at the angara with deep concern in his eyes.

 

The kett is still watching her. “Are you the leader?”, he asks.

Sara nods, but she keeps her eyes on Jaal. His head is slightly leaning in the direction of one of the angara near him, and she knows that he’s talking to him, discreetly trying to persuade him that they’ve come to help. Jaal’s eyes catch hers, and she nods a second time. Then, she turns toward the kett.

“Yes, I am the leader. And I know you can’t understand me, but I’m gonna kill you. You’re going to pay for what you’ve done to the angaran people.”

He doesn’t understand her words, for sure, but maybe he caught the aggressive tone in her voice or her glance to her friends. For whatever reason, he suddenly smiles at her, before looking to where Jaal and the angara are standing. And then, everything happens really fast.

The kett points his gun to them, and he shoots without warning. The angara next to Jaal collapses with a loud cry into his arms, blood flooding from the hole that appeared on his back. The kett fires a second time, then a third, and the body of the poor angara is torn apart by the force of the three charges that hit him between the shoulders. Jaal is covered in blood and dismantled pieces of broken bones, and he looks at the remains he’s still holding in his arms with undisguised shock on his face. But he seems unhurt.

That’s when the kett makes his first—and last—mistake. He completely turns toward Jaal, aiming for his head with an evil smile on his face.

“Peebs, now!”

The asari is already into motion when Sara yells her order. She launches a negative mass field to her target, yanking him off the ground. Sara’s biotics set off, and she throws a powerful nova that hits the kett right in his head, inflaming the air all around him and making him burst into flames.

When his dead and burned body heavily falls on the floor, nobody makes a move during a few seconds.

 

Sara looks at the angara, still holding their rifle and staring with horror at the torn corpse of their friend, lying on the ground in front of Jaal’s feet. “I’m really sorry. Please, don’t shoot us. We’re here to help you! Tell them, Jaal.”

Jaal translates to them, and the angara lower their guns.

“Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t shoot you. We’re not soldiers, and we don’t have any ammo.” The tallest of the angara answered directly to her, and he raises his shoulders while showing her his empty cartridge. “Kett would never let us have real guns.”

“How many are they?”

Jaal translates her question once again.

“13 kett. And 20 people of my kind. They’re all in the tunnels, beneath us. But they probably heard the noise you made. And kett have guns.”

Sara looks around her. There’s not a rock in sight, not a single tree. Nowhere to hide, except the wrecked ship nearby. “Is anyone inside the ship?”

The angara shakes his head. “No. But there’s nothing in there…”

“There’s protection. For now, that’s all we need. Come on people, let’s move. Get your things and go, now! And SAM, connect me to the Tempest immediately!”

 

It’s hard to run in the heavy and boggy soil. Sara still feels sick, and she’s covered with disgusting and smelly mud that sticks to her armor and slows her movements. But even like that, they have to wait for the angara, who carry their dead friend with them. She comes back to help them, urging them to go faster and pushing them forward. When she makes it to the ship, at last, she hears an angry shout in her back. She gets inside just in time, as the first bullets start ricocheting off the metallic shell, only a few inches away from where her head was standing a moment before.

“Shit!” She’s gasping for breath while she closes the door behind her. “That was a close one.”

Crackling suddenly comes out of her vox, but there’s too much static on the line. “Path– … alright? …–tect gunfight … ground … help?” Cora’s voice seems very far away.

“Pathfinder?” SAM is now talking. “The Tempest had to move further away, due to scourge movements in the area. I’m working on establishing a proper connection, but it could take some time.”

“Great.” Sara shakes her head with annoyance. She looks at Jaal. “Are you okay?”

He nods briefly, but he’s undoubtedly in shock. All the angara are, obviously, and Sara understands why. But she needs them to focus.

Gunshots from outside have momentarily stopped, but she knows that their enemies are probably gathering and trying to figure out how to force them out. And the shelter they found inside the ship won’t protect them for long, she knows that as well. They don’t have much time.

“Jaal, I’m sorry, but we’ll make the introductions later. We need to get out of here, and quick. Ask them to fight with us, please.”

The same angara replies to Jaal’s question. “I repeat, we are not soldiers. And we don’t have ammunition. But if we can help, we will.”

Sara thinks fast. The only way to get ammo for their plasma guns would be to return to the forward station and resupply. “SAM? How is that connection going?”

“I am still working on it, Pathfinder. The Tempest is nearing our location, it shouldn’t be much longer.”

“In the meantime, can you scan the perimeter? I need to know exactly where those sons of bitches are.”

She looks around her while SAM gathers the data. The kett ship is really in bad shape, the crash must have been pretty hard. Mud has started to invade the inside floor, and acidity has already damaged some of the electric components. She presses a few buttons on the command panel, but nothing seems to be working. There’s no power.

The worst thing is that they’re trapped. There’s only one way out: the way they came in. The kett probably know that. That’s why they stopped shooting. Sara curses herself. Everything happened so fast, and she didn’t have any other choice, but running to hide inside a wrecked ship, with a dead body and seven untrained and unarmed angara, was probably her worse decision ever.

 

SAM interrupts her guilty conscience. “Pathfinder, sensors indicate that kett have split into two groups. Eight of them are waiting for you behind the door, the others are circling the ship toward the forward station, probably to prevent any escape in other directions. If you are thinking about trying to reach the station, I strongly advise against it.”

“Damn!” Sara couldn’t help but say that out loud. _Focus_ , she orders to herself, shaking her head once again. She turns to Jaal. “He said their people were underground. Are there many tunnels beneath us? Caves, maybe? Something that could look like a vault?”

The answer is better than what she could have hoped for.

“Yes, there’s an entire network of tunnels and connected caves beneath us. We’ve been living underground for 20 years, and some of us know many ways and paths among the maze. For what we know, it covers almost the whole surface of the planet, and the kett had us exploring each passage, one by one. We found what you call ‘vault’, I guess. A huge building safely hidden deep under the earth, with a remnant console at the entrance. We found it many years ago. But it’s not working. We never got inside.”

Sara eagerly turns on her scanner and points it to the ground. “SAM? Is there a tunnel beneath us?”

His answer is immediate. “Yes, Pathfinder. The ship is resting on a thin layer of mud, which has eaten into the metallic shell. Should you be able to drill the floor, the tunnel would be only 2 meters underneath, and you should be able to easily reach it.”

She turns to the group. “You heard that? We need to find a way down. Any idea?”

She doesn’t need to ask Jaal to translate, this time. One of the angara fumbles in his pockets and takes out a small object, that looks like an ice pick but with a sharper end.

“This is what we use to explore underground. It cuts easily through stone and metal. It will take some time, but I can make a hole in the floor of the cabin, where the acidity has eaten away the metal, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Sara nods gratefully to him, and he begins his work without delay.

 

The silence is only interrupted by the disgusting and squelching sounds of the angara working in the mud, until Cora’s voice echoes in her intercom, much clearer this time.

“Ryder? Are you alright? SAM briefed us on the situation. How can we help?”

“Cora, finally, I’m so glad to hear you!” The relief Sara feels is genuine. “We need a distraction. We’re about to go underground and sneak into kett’s back to surprise them. But they've split into two groups, and we need you to keep one busy while we deal with the other.”

“I’ll gather a team and join you on the ground immediately.”

“No! The Nomad won’t be of any use here, and there’s nowhere to hide. We need to coordinate and act together. Prepare the team, but wait for my call. Do you copy?”

“Copy that, Pathfinder. We’ll be ready and waiting. Hurry up, though. Kett are getting closer to your location, they must be getting impatient.”

“We’re doing our best, Cora. Stay in touch.”

 

A few minutes later, a loud hiss comes from the floor and the angara suddenly backs away. With a sickening crack, a hole starts to appear where there was only mud just a moment ago. The pungent smell increases again, but none of them care. They all gather around the hole and, pulling together, they remove the metallic circle, revealing the unsteady ground under it.

“Ok people – time to dig.”

Using pieces of equipment around them as shovels, they start digging. But soon the hole is too deep, not large enough for more than one person at a time.

The angara who cut the hole in the cabin motions them to step aside, and after taking a deep breath, he jumps in the small pit, putting all his strength in his leap. The ground suddenly collapses beneath him, and he disappears as if swallowed by the bowels of the earth.

A moment after, they hear a muffled sound. “It’s safe, you can come.”

They hurriedly follow him.

 

Once they’re all inside the dark tunnel, Sara looks at the angara.

“You should go and gather your friends somewhere safe. We’ll handle the kett. But we need one of you to guide us to the surface so that we circle behind the kett to surprise them.”

The tallest of the angara, who spoke to her earlier, makes a step forward. “I’ll go with you.”

They part into two groups, Sara and her team following him. The permanent stench of the planet has decreased a bit since they went underground, but the pitch-black tunnels are slowing their motion, even with their flashlights turned on. Fortunately, the angara seems to know his way around, and he leads the way with confident and hurried strides. Soon, he stops in front of a ladder and Sara, who was walking directly behind him, almost collides with him.

He points to the ceiling. “This is where we part. There’s a trapdoor above us.”

“Before you leave, tell me… what is your name?”

He hesitates before answering. “My mothers called me Jarvel Xirsha Vise. But I haven’t heard that name in a long time.”

“Well, thank you, Jarvel.”

He looks back at her. “I don’t know who you are, or even what you are or where you came from. But thank you. I thank the stars for leading you to us. Good luck.” He simply nods briefly, before going back into the shadows to join his friends.

Sara goes up the ladder, and carefully cracks the trapdoor open, just a little bit. There’s no one in sight. She raises her omnitool and scans the perimeter with caution.

“SAM? Can you tell me where are the kett?”, she whispers.

“The second group is out of reach. But the other is still waiting for you in front of the ship’s doors.”

“Good. Connect me to the Tempest, please.” She silently motions Jaal and Peebee to stand alert. “Cora, are you there?”

“Yes, Pathfinder. We are ready. How do we proceed?”

“We will take the kett waiting at the entrance. Can you see the other group? There should be seven of them, somewhere between the forward station and the ship.”

“Got my eyes on them right now. That will be a piece of cake.”

“Okay, then. Let’s do this. On my count. 1, 2, … 3!”

The three of them silently get out of the tunnel and start moving toward the wrecked ship. The kett haven’t spotted them yet, but they’re still too far to shoot. A few seconds later, they hear Cora’s team starting to fight, and the kett in front of them turn toward where the gunshots are coming, on alert.

Sara and her friends start running in their back, raising their guns and aiming in a single movement. She can’t help but shout, “Hey, suckers!”

And they start shooting.

 

It’s all done in less than a minute. Their assault was perfectly coordinated and left no chance to the kett, who have been torn to pieces with surgical precision from both teams. They didn’t even have a chance to fight back.

Sara grins widely as she joins Cora, Liam, and Drack near the forward station, and they joyfully high-five each other.

“We’re glad to find you in one piece, Pathfinder.”

“I’m glad too, Cora. Thank you for the help.”

Drack sniffs and grunts with disgust. “Yeah, good, but… what’s that smell?”

Liam claps him on the back. “Come on, old man. We know that you just farted.”

They all burst out laughing.

\-----------------------------

About an hour later, Sara’s on the Tempest, talking with Lexi in the med bay. All beds are occupied by angara, some of them in near-death condition. The doctor’s concerns are obvious.

“We need to take care of them, Pathfinder. They are too weak and need constant attention and treatment. We cannot abandon them!”

“I know, Lexi, I know! But we can’t take all the angara on board, we don’t have enough room! And we don’t have the supplies to feed and treat all of them during a two-week trip back to Aya, neither. What do you want me to do?”

Lexi’s embarrassed. “I’ve talked to Jarvel. He perfectly understands the situation. He only asks us to take the most injured of them. We could take them to Meridian? Kallo says that we can make it there in 8 days. And another ship can come to pick the rest of the angara, Jarvel agreed to wait. But we have to get them home, Ryder. The sooner, the better. ”

Jaal, who was quietly waiting behind her, agrees as well. “They were scientists, abducted from their homes and taken away from their families. Then, they crashed here, merely survived, and spent 20 years enslaved to kett, trapped on a deadly planet, where they watched their brothers die one after another while they were forced to work underground days and nights. We saved them, but this also gives us responsibilities toward them. I agree with Lexi. I will stay here with them and accompany them. I’ll join you later, I promise. But I won’t leave my brothers alone when they need me.”

“Jaal, are you sure?”

“Yes, I am, Pathfinder. Actually, I don’t think that you could persuade me otherwise.”

Sara sighs deeply. “Well, if you’re all ganged up on me, I guess I have no choice… I never planned to leave them here, for the record. I was simply trying to figure out our options.”

She heads towards the hall. “First, I’m gonna take a shower, and a nap. Give the angara anything they need. Tomorrow we’ll reactivate the vault. But tell Kallo we’re leaving as soon as we are ready. I don’t want to stay on this planet a minute longer than I need to.”

 

When she’s back in her bedroom, she gets rids of her smelly clothes, still wincing in disgust, and goes straight to the shower, determined to wash away the filth and the smell that have been sticking to her clothes and skin since she landed on the planet. She even uses the secret code that Kallo gave her the first day she stepped on the Tempest, allowing her to enjoy hot water for an extra five minutes. She used it only once before, for she always felt ashamed of the privilege, but tonight she really needs it. She never felt so dirty. Even when she gets out, finally clean, she can still smell it. She’s so exhausted that she doesn’t really care—right now she’s simply too tired to care about anything.

She collapses on her bed and closes her eyes. “SAM?”

“Yes, Pathfinder?”

“I’m going to sleep, now. Please, tell Vetra to organize transportation of our new friends, and wake me up in two hours?”

“Of course, Ryder. The whole team is already working on welcoming the angara on board, so enjoy your nap. But may I remind you that you still have a pending email from Mr. Vidal?”

She doesn’t answer immediately, frowning. She had totally forgotten about that.

“Pathfinder?”

“… I heard you, SAM. Please… delete it.”


	7. Alcohol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with the barman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can the things we do make up for the loss we mourn?

Reyes is looking at the crates in front of him, but he doesn’t really see them. He’s been sitting on the couch for hours, silently smoking and drinking directly from the bottle while dark shadows slowly spread across the room. Staring at Sara’s stuff, still safely locked inside boxes since he came back from Meridian. Which seems like a lifetime ago, in another person’s life. He never even had the time to ask her what’s inside.

He knows he shouldn’t have come here, but he couldn’t help it. Tartarus looked too much like a prison and standing alone in his room was driving him mad. Every piece of furniture reminded him of times spent with her. Every corner of the room was still filled with her laugh. The sound of his men drinking and joking around was unbearable. The thought of other people having fun, while his own world was slowly falling apart, was more than he could stand. So, he just left the place without saying a word. With no precise destination in mind, and familiar ghosts led him up here.

This apartment was meant for them. He had planned on living many moments of happiness with Sara in here. But instead, he never felt so small, and miserable. He needs her so badly, sometimes he forgets how to breathe. The pain is just too loud.

 

A month—a whole damn month—passed since he came back from the Nexus. He told no one about what happened there. In front of everybody, he pretends that he doesn’t care. He’s perfectly aware that nobody’s fooled, but he just wants to be left alone.

Sara never answered his last email. That’s driving him crazy because he knows he has no one to blame but himself. He should have noticed that she didn’t need a translator to understand him talking Spanish. He told her many things in their most intimate moments, and never realized that… Every time he thinks about it, he feels the urge to bang his head against the wall. He wishes he could forget.

At first, he tried to drown himself into work but gave up after merely a week. He was useless, anyway, as Keema implied with her usual subtlety. Then, he tried to drown himself into a steady drunken state, and that had worked much better. But not enough. Nothing was ever enough. And now he feels constantly nauseous, a splitting headache continuously banging in the back of his brain. And whisky is no longer helping him. But he doesn’t know what else to do.

Maybe he should start by selling this damn flat. Or, at least, never come back here, maybe rent the place. But he’s not ready yet. Letting it go would be like letting her go. He cannot do that.

So, he keeps on drinking.

 

He’s woken up by rays of morning sunshine on his face. He passed out on the couch last night, and the bright light hurts his eyes. He needs a moment to gather his thoughts before sitting up, wincing when his sore muscles get into motion. He feels like coming out of hell. Scratching the stubble on his cheeks with his fingers, he realizes that he probably looks like he just came out of hell, too. He’d better head back to Tartarus and take a shower. And finally get to work. Turning on his omnitool, he sees half a dozen unread emails, all from his lieutenant.

With a sigh, he gets up and leaves the flat without looking back.

 

He pushes Sara aside from his thoughts as he crosses the port toward the lift. He usually enjoys walking through the city—his city—but today he hurries down to the Slums, trying to ignore the buzzing pain in his head and the rumbling of his empty stomach.

When he enters Tartarus, no one pays him any attention. Some of his men are gathered in front of the flat-screen TV that Kian recently installed, others are playing cards on the upper floor. Reyes heads for the stairs but changes his mind when he spots Kassim in a corner. The turian immediately comes up to him.

“We were worried, boss. You disappeared without saying a word.”

“What’s going on?”

Kassim is suddenly embarrassed. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Kian and I were… concerned.”

Reyes frowns. “I don’t pay you to worry about me. I pay you to take care of business while I’m not here.”

Behind him, his men start shouting out at the screen and the noise increases his headache, making him wince in pain. “And tell them to keep it down. If you really wanna know why I disappeared, there you have your answer. I can’t think clearly when jackasses are yacking and shouting all day long. I’ll be in my room.”

He dismisses his lieutenant and turns away, but loud cheers rise again. He’s about to tell them to shut the fuck up, when his eyes land on the video footage his men are watching. And his heart leaps in his chest.

 

Sara is being interviewed, and damn it hurts to see her. He wants to run away and stop looking. He wants to cross through the screen and hold her in his arms. The thought is absurd, nonetheless he can think of nothing else. He cannot stop watching. In the end, he’s unable to make a move, so he simply stays there, fists clenched, all colors gone from his face.

His head is about to explode, but he struggles to concentrate on her words. Sara is explaining that they found a new potential golden world, in a remote system he never heard of. Apparently, some angara were trapped there by the scourge more than 20 years ago, and the Pathfinder managed to rescue them and is now about to bring them back to their families.

As usual, she seems exhausted. He recognizes the many signs of tension on her face, and her impatience while she answers the reporter’s questions. She has never been enthusiastic when it comes to interviews, and he knows that she’s trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. If he wasn’t so tense himself, he would smile to see her so eager to get rid of the journalist.

But he also notices something else in her gaze. It’s probably not noticeable to anybody else but him, but he has seen this dark glow on her face before, and he realizes that she’s in fact grieving. Her smile is not genuine, and he knows that something must have gone wrong, something that she is not saying. He feels it deep inside. Seeing her in such distress hurts him more than anything else.

He can think of at least a hundred different ways to chase the sorrow in her eyes. But then he suddenly remembers that she probably won’t let him carry out any of them. She most likely would shut him off.

Less than a minute later, the reporter is done with his questions and Sara’s image disappears, replaced by the local news. It takes a moment for Reyes to realize that Kian joined him and is talking to him.

“Are you alright, Reyes?”

His friend seems genuinely concerned, but Reyes silently stares at him for a while, with dark eyes. He finally nods briefly. “Bring me another bottle.” And he goes up the stairs.

 

Kian hesitates before entering the room, even if the doors are open. All lights are turned off, and Reyes is sitting in the darkness, deep in his thoughts. Kian gets closer, clearing his throat. He feels for his friend. He has never seen him like that, and he’s afraid that it could become even worse.

He sees how deeply Reyes is affected by what he just witnessed, and he fears for his friend’s state of mind. Since Ryder left Tartarus in a fury, almost two months ago now, Kian watched his friend, and boss, fall into a deeper and deeper bitter mood, barely talking or eating, and drinking more than ever. Considering the dark circles under his eyes, he even doubts that he sleeps at all.

“I brought you something to cheer you up, pal. Here.”

But Reyes doesn’t even look at him. Instead, he takes his face in his hands and rubs his forehead. Then, he pinches his nose, as if it could prevent painful thoughts to come to his mind. “Leave it on the table”, he grunts in reply.

But Kian doesn’t go away. He clears his throat one more time, mustering up the courage to talk to his friend. “… Reyes… Please, we need to talk. You can’t keep going on like that. I’m telling you as a friend.”

Reyes suddenly raises his head and looks at him with eyes darker than the room. “We’re not friends, Kian. Not that kind of friends, anyway. You can keep your advice to yourself.”

Kian is not fooled by his reaction. “Well, lately you’ve been a true pain in the ass, I’ll admit that. Not exactly what I’d call a good friend. But I am your friend, whether you like it or not. And you don’t have many left, Reyes. Even Keema is tired of trying to reason with you. So, you’re stuck with me. Listen, now.”

Reyes looks away, frowning. But he doesn’t answer, and Kian takes his silence as an invitation to go on. He sits down with caution next to him. He can sense that now is the time or never to speak his mind.

“I’m sure you already know your men are whispering behind your back, wondering how long the Charlatan will keep you in charge if you keep on drinking and fucking things up like you’ve been doing for the past month. They doubt you—and they don’t know it, but if they doubt you, they also doubt the Charlatan. You must react. The Collective depends on you.”

He takes a deep breath when the piercing eyes stare back at him, and for a moment Kian fears he has gone too far. But he’s determined to continue before Reyes can interrupt him. “We both know what the problem is. And I’m not talking only about the booze… right?”

“… It’s not helping anymore, Kian. Nothing does,” Reyes finally whispers. He is shaking, though trying not to show. There’s only sadness on his face, and painful melancholy in his eyes.

But that’s the first words to come out of him for a long time, at least without barking. So, Kian goes on, with the sweetest tone he can produce. “I don’t know exactly what happened between you two… But you need to do something, Reyes. Either call her, or–”

But his friend shakes his head. “She won’t answer my call.”

“Then you go and talk to her face to face. In the worst-case scenario, she calls you with all sorts of names and you finally get closure. Or, she listens to you, and you get a chance to win her back. Either way, you get to move on. You need it, and we all need you to.”

Reyes remains silent for a moment, looking at his friend but not really seeing him. After a long pause, he finally blinks and seems to suddenly come to his senses. “I don’t know where she is,” he chokes, looking at his trembling hands.

Kian wonders if they shake because of the pain, or because of his need for another drink. “You should listen to her more often, my friend. I just heard her saying that she was heading to Aya for the angara welcome ceremony, where she has an announcement to make. It’s in 4 days, and you have plenty of time to get there before she leaves the planet.”

Reyes looks at him in shock, and Kian lets a wide smile crack his lips. He knows he has made his point.

He gets up with a tap on Reyes’ shoulder and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

 

About an hour later, Reyes goes out of his office and down the stairs, freshly shaved and showered.

Kian spots the backpack he’s carrying. “You’re going somewhere?”

Kian pretends to be surprised, but deep down he’s smiling. He’s a bit proud of himself—not everybody could claim they have manipulated the Charlatan. Not that he will ever claim that out loud, of course… but it’s always nice to know it.

Reyes heads for the door, nodding. “I’ll be back in a few days. Kassim is in charge while I’m gone.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Aya is exactly the way she remembered it.

Sara inhales deeply as she steps foot on the ground of the green and beautiful angaran city. She’s greeted with applauses and huge smiles from the delegation waiting for her on the docks. She suspects that they probably are here to welcome the four angara that traveled with her from Meridian, and not to welcome her personally, but she doesn’t care. She’s truly relieved that her mission is coming to an end.

 

Activating the vault on H-089v had been easy and they left immediately the planet after that, hurrying their way to Meridian. But they didn’t make it fast enough, and two angara died during the travel, despite all their efforts. Lexi explained to her, with tears in her eyes, that the lack of sunlight had provoked irremediable damages in the angaran biology, and that to this day there existed no cure to such cell decay.

But no explanation could ease Sara’s tortured guilt. Three angara died from the moment she landed on the planet, on her watch. She carries these three deaths in her conscience.

She chases away those gloomy thoughts to shake hands with Evfra and the Moshae, who are waiting for her down the Tempest’s ramp.

 

The leader of the Resistance greets her first. “Pathfinder, we welcome you once again on Aya and we thank you for saving our lost brothers. You’ve achieved yet another victory over the kett, and all our people is grateful for the safety and comfort you’ve provided to the angara.”

“Oh, please, Evfra. Nobody’s listening right now, you’d rather save these lines for the ceremony tomorrow.”

Sara smiles back at the Moshae, who greets her with an amused nod of the head, but Evfra doesn’t seem to understand her sarcasm.

“Don’t be rude by denying our sincere attempts to show our gratitude.”

“Please, forgive me. You’re right, of course. But it’s hardly what I’d call a victory. I regret that I couldn’t do more.”

The Moshae grabs her gently by the arm. “You’ve done plenty enough, Ryder, and there are no small victories. What you did makes a huge difference. You couldn’t save them all. You know that’s how it goes. And besides, we really appreciate your efforts to gain recognition for the angara among your people, Pathfinder. We are looking forward to our new collaboration. I assume it wasn’t easy for you to persuade director Tann to agree on such an… improvement.”

Sara can’t help but grin at those words. Last weeks might have felt like going through hell, but somehow she’s glad she went through it. She stood tall in front of Tann, arguing for hours during the longest vidcall of her life. But she finally got what she wanted, for the good of all of Heleus; and she’s really excited about the news she’s about to tell at the ceremony.

The Moshae is right, of course. She’d better concentrate on that. Her mission is not over yet.

She follows the gurneys transporting the angara to the Resistance HQ and down in the medical ward, arranging the last details for next day. When she’s sure that everything is ready for the upcoming ceremony and that the angara are in good hands, she bids them farewell and heads back to her ship.

 

On her way, near the tavetaan, she hears someone calling after her. She turns around and sees Jarvel, smiling and waving his hand toward her. He seems much better than when she left him on H-089v, and she’s really thrilled to see that Jaal is standing right behind him, inviting her to join them.

“Jarvel! Jaal! I’m so glad you made it to Aya so quickly!” She holds her friend in her arms for a moment, then greets Jarvel the angaran way.

“Pathfinder. It is an honor to finally be able to thank you properly for everything that you’ve done for us. And a pleasure to finally understand what you’re saying!” He points at his brand new omnitool on his wrist with a huge smile, and Sara laughs with him.

“Yes, it’s good to talk to you, Jarvel. And to you too, Jaal! We’ve missed you on board.”

“I’ve missed you too, Ryder. Please, stay and enjoy a drink with us? I sent an invitation to the rest of the crew, I suppose it won’t be long before they join us.”

“You know I can’t say no to free drinks, Jaal…” She winks at him. And decides that tonight, she’s going to stop blaming herself. Maybe just for a couple of hours, maybe more, but she needs a break—not from the world, but from herself. She could enjoy a good night out with friends, so that’s exactly what she is going to do.

 

Next morning, she’s hurrying through the market, cursing herself. She overslept, and now she’s late for the ceremony. She struggles to make her way through the crowd that is already gathered in front of the Resistance HQ, where the ceremony is held. She never saw so many people inside the city at the same time, and Sara doubts that there will be enough room for everyone. Fortunately, loudspeakers and screens are broadcasting the event so that everyone could watch. She’s really late. She can hear that Evfra has already started his speech, and she hurries all the more.

A table and chairs have been installed on the porch, on top of the stairs. All Initiative big names are there: director Tann, of course, as well as Addison Foster and ambassador Rialla. The angara are represented by Evfra, the Moshae, and Governor Paaran Shie. To everybody’s surprise, the Initiative's assigned representative to New Tuchanka, Kariste Archana, is there as well, along with Nakmor Morda and two other krogan.

Tann scowls at her as she casually sits next to him, but she pretends not to see him and concentrates on Evfra’s speech. He has already welcomed the newcomers and is now thanking her and her crew for saving the angara. But quickly he moves on to the importance of family, and of being united. Director Tann agrees and nods approvingly at each of Evfra’s sentence, while the Resistance leader goes on and on. Sara manages to keep an even face, even though she’s already bored. She settles comfortably in her chair, trying to represent the face of the initiative as best as she can.  

Evfra finally sits down, greeted by loud applauses, and then comes Director Tann’s turn to speak. Somehow, he manages to be even more tedious than the leader of the Resistance, and Sara sees that most of the audience starts to look around in boredom, just like her. She tries to stay focus on his speech, though, and she has to admit that he’s not doing that bad. She could almost believe him when he prays for inter-species fraternity and collaboration, and he nearly sounds convinced himself.

But then she remembers the way she had to argue with him for days, even with Addison on her side. She first had told them of her idea the day after the victory on Meridian, but Tann had always postponed the discussion, arguing that before anything else, the Initiative had to decide what to do with Meridian, to treat the wounded, and so on. At first, she had complied with him, even when he asked her to personally chose an interim ambassador to represent the Andromeda galaxy. But after what happened on H-089v, she was determined to get to the core of the problem. And she didn’t let Tann have his way, this time.

 

Her silent reflection is interrupted by mild applauses, and she suddenly realizes that it’s finally her turn to speak. She stands up with a smile, nods to Evfra and Tann, and takes a deep breath before addressing the audience. She has been preparing this day for a very long time. Now is not the time to mess it up.

“Thank you for gathering here. I have an important announcement to make.” She makes a short pause to make sure that she has the attention of everyone before continuing. “And I promise I won’t take too much of your time. Today is a day for celebration, and I want you all to enjoy the food and the company of your loved ones, not to listen to boring speeches all day.”

The crowd laughs at her last comment, and she goes on with a smile on her lips.

“Since we came in Heleus, peoples of the Milky Way have fought side by side with the angaran people. We lost many brothers, but we gained new ones. We lost family and friends, but we never stopped fighting. Together, we overcame obstacles and we created a new world for all of us. If fighting kett has taught us anything, it’s that unity is the key. That means that each species deserves the right to participate in our collective effort to make of Heleus the right place, for all of us. We still have a lot to do to make of this new world our home, but I am confident that we will succeed. And therefore, I am truly thrilled to announce the nomination of two new pathfinders…”

Excited murmurs start to spread among the crowd.

“… One of which will be chosen among the angaran population, and the other among the krogan. Everyone is welcome to apply. Candidates will be selected by a committee of Initiative representatives and all the other pathfinders. We truly believe that each and every one of you has proved their competence, their abilities, and their willingness to defend all the peoples of Andromeda. And I am delighted, and proud, to welcome soon two new members among the Pathfinders fraternity.”

 

Loud cheers burst the moment she stops talking. She sees people congratulating each other, clapping each other’s shoulders, and laughing. She hears a lot of laughs.

It really feels good. She shakes hands with all the representatives, but she barely hears Tann talking to her. She’s looking at the enthusiastic crowd with a wide beam of happiness on her lips. A few feet away, Jarvel is smiling back at her. He’s holding the hand of his wife, surrounded by all of his family. She can see the true bliss to be reunited on their faces. Kids are running all over the place, screaming with joy. Friends are toasting, and excited soldiers are already discussing their candidature. The whole place echoes with laughter.

Moments like this one are precisely the reason why she loves her job so much. _Nothing is more precious than this_ , she thinks to herself while she enjoys the sight of the many people gathered around her, her heart quietly shivering.

 

Her whole crew is also there, waiting for her, and Sara joins them as soon as she’s able to get away from the officials.

“Well done, Pathfinder! That was a fine speech!” Liam greets her and hands her a glass.

“Yes, Ryder…” Drack puts his hand on her shoulder, and Sara could almost believe that there are tears in his eyes. “You did a good job, kid. My people has been waiting for this day for a long time. I am proud of you.”

“Oh, Drack… Don’t make me cry, now. It was long due. I’m glad I could finally make that happen.”

Sara takes a deep breath to chase away the emotion before going on. “I’d like to propose a toast. Let’s not forget how hard it’s been to get where we are.” She solemnly raises her glass to the sky. “To the ones we lost. And to the ones we found.”

Her friends answer as one. “Yay.”

She knows they feel like her. No words could really explain how they feel, but their shared moment of tranquility is all that matters, for now. So, they toast and drink together, silently enjoying this precious moment.

 

Until suddenly, Gil grabs her by the arm, wincing. “Ryder… Please, promise that you will behave, ok?”

“Gil? What are you talking about?”

He sighs deeply before motioning her to turn around. “It looks like someone is waiting for you…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaah I’m sorry to stop at that precise moment!!! This chapter is long enough, I had to stop at one point…
> 
> But we’re getting there, guys. Soon, I promise ;)


	8. Come back to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where he says it all
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “It looks like someone is waiting for you…”

And there he is, indeed. She understands even before she turns to face him.

Reyes is leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Quietly waiting for her.

He catches her glance and slowly raises one hand, greeting her like an old friend gone from sight for too long. He’s smiling—to anyone but her, he probably looks like the perfect illustration of nonchalance.

She wishes she could pretend the same. That it doesn’t hurt to see him. But hell, it does.

Her heart is pounding in her chest. She doesn’t know what to think. A thousand thoughts come to her mind at the same time, but not a single coherent one. She cannot look away, either. Her eyes are glued to his. She wishes she could run away, or at the very least ignore the way her fingers suddenly remember the feeling of his skin next to hers. She tries not to think about it.

_This is dangerous._

As he raises his shoulders and comes up to her, she realizes that something’s not right. There’s something odd in Reyes’ face, that contradicts his casual attitude. She has come to know him too well to miss it, and she cannot tell exactly why, but she knows he’s nervous, too. Maybe it’s the light sweat on his forehead. Maybe it’s the way he anxiously swallows, squinting his eyes in the sun.

_This is adorable._

But then he winks—he fucking winks at her. She’s stunned. 

Unconsciously, her feet get into motion.

_This is madness._

 

She meets him halfway, tenser than ever.

He clears his throat. “Hey.”

Now that she’s standing in front of him, she almost feels dizzy. For a moment, she’s afraid she won’t be able to say anything at all. She’s painfully aware of how close he is. She takes a deep breath, looking at her feet.

“What are you doing here, Reyes?” She somehow manages to speak softly, trying to match his apparent tranquility.

“I came to see you. I need to talk to you.” He’s searching for her eyes with his, but she refuses to meet his gaze and keeps her head down.

Nonetheless, he wants to believe that he can hear a hidden smile in her voice when she answers.

“I should have known you would eventually show up… you’re even more stubborn than I am.”

“We need to talk,” he insists firmly.

In a normal situation, she would have laughed to hear him confirming her previous assessment… even if he probably didn’t realize it. But instead, she shakes her head, looking everywhere around but in his eyes. “It’s really not a good time. You should have told me you were coming.”

“So that you could have told me not to come? I don’t even know if you got my last email…”

She sighs deeply and finally looks at him. “As you can see, I’ve been pretty busy. I did not lie about that.”

He winces. He knows he deserves it, but still. It hurts. He gets closer, whispering while leaning toward her, “Sara…”

Her name in his mouth sends electric spikes through her whole body. She ignores it the best she can, stubbornly making a step backward.

“… Sara, don’t do that. Could you at least hear what I have to say?”

“I don’t know, Reyes. I’m not sure I want to. I think I’d rather not know.”

“Well, I think you should.” He looks around. Nobody’s paying attention to their reunion, except for the Pathfinder’s teammates, of course. They’re all watching with great interest. “I need to tell you something. In private. Let’s go somewhere else. My shuttle is on the docks.”

She stops him immediately. “Oh no. Not in your shuttle. I’ll meet you at the tavetaan in a minute. If I really have to do this, that’s as far as I’m gonna go with you.”

He nods. “I guess it’s better than nothing. I’ll wait for you there.”

“Good. Let’s get this done, then.”

 

She takes a detour to avoid following him. She has to admit it – she’s afraid to face him. But she knows she has no choice, she blindly ignored him for far too long. At least, she had enough sense not to accept meeting him in his shuttle. There are too many memories there, memories of nights spent together, of soft kisses and deep breaths lingering between passionate whispers. Those thoughts are way too hazardous, and she really doesn’t need to be remembered of them. She needs to be strong.

She takes her time before joining Reyes. She wants to be sure that she can control herself before facing him. So, she waits a few minutes, wandering among the market’s stalls without real interest for the goods that are displayed. But soon she realizes that postponing the inevitable won’t help.

Blood hammering through her veins, she finally heads to the tavetaan. She hears Gil’s words echoing in her mind: _“B_ _ehave, ok?”_.

She hopes she’ll be able to stand up to the task.

 

\------------------------

 

His fingers are fidgeting nervously with his glass.

He checks once again the time on his omnitool. He’s been waiting for ten minutes now, and still no sign of her. He empties his drink in a single sip, and orders two more. He places the second in front of the empty seat at his table—a peace offering, if Sara ever shows up.

His anxiety increases as seconds pass slowly, and he starts wondering if she will come at all. He had hoped she would be happier to see him. He did his best to hide the thousand spines sinking into his heart, but he’s not really convinced that he managed to do so. He hopes with all his heart that she will come. He doesn’t know what he would do if she didn’t.

He’s relieved beyond description when her familiar shadow finally appears at the entrance of the bar, interrupting his dark train of thought. But the tension he's feeling does not disappear.

 

She joins him and sits next to him quietly, silently staring at him. They’re both feeling uncomfortable, not knowing who should speak first. They’ve never been uncomfortable around each other before… but of course, up to now they have always been looking forward to their meetings. Today, he’s not sure that this is still the case.

He breaks the awkward silence first. “I ordered you a drink.”

“Thanks, but I’m not staying.” She blankly looks at him. As if he was another Pathfinder’s business she had to attend to.

He’s crushed by her distant attitude. “Don’t do that, Sara. Don’t shut me off.”

He reaches for her hand on the table. His hesitant fingertips are briefly met by the warmth of her skin, and he crumbles inside when she immediately takes off her hand to avoid his touch, frowning.

“Don’t push your luck, Reyes. Just tell me why you came here.”

He takes a deep breath. “Sara… I don’t even know where to begin. You should have told me you spoke Spanish. Why did you not tell me?”

She seems surprised. “Really? Among everything, this is what you wanted to ask me?” She shrugs her shoulders. “But sure, let’s do this. I’m surprised you found out about that, though. I never told you because… it never seemed important. We never talked, you know? We don’t talk, not really, I mean, and surely not about important matters. And I never thought you cared. You’d have noticed it if you really cared. That’s all.”

The silence that follows speaks volumes.

She doesn’t hear it, though. She only hears an obstinate muteness, completely shutting her eyes and ears to his suffering.

She goes on after a moment. “You’re right, though. I should have told you about that. And I should have answered your last email… or at least read it.”

“You didn’t read it?” He never considered that possibility.

“No.”

The disappointment is so obvious on his face, that for a second her resolve weakens. She almost drops the mask of indifference she’s wearing. But she quickly puts it back on, before he has a chance to see it. She sighs. “Look, I’m sorry. Are you happy, now? Is it what you wanted?”

He vehemently shakes his head, trying to ignore the coldness in her tone. “You know it’s not. Don’t be silly, Sara. I came to tell you the truth.”

She settles in her chair. “Go on, then.”

 “… The truth is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied. To be completely honest… I’m not sure I consider it a lie anymore, you know… I’ve been lying and hiding in the shadows for so long that somehow, I forgot myself on the way. I found it back with you, but… I don’t know, sometimes I just go back to being a shady bastard.”

Her gaze is lost far away in the sky behind him, and she remains silent. Frowning.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” he continues. “I know I don’t need to lie to you about who I am. It’s just that… I don’t like to talk about who I used to be, simply because I’m not proud of it, Sara. I was a thief, a nobody. A worthless crook without a real purpose in his life. It got really ugly at some point… and I reinvented myself, so I could join the Initiative and leave this shitty life forever. And since then, I’ve told so many lies that I forgot they were lies in the first place. I didn’t even realize I was lying to you. Sara, you have to believe me…”

Another long silence follows the hidden question in his words. _Can you believe me?_ He daren’t ask it out loud.

When she finally answers him, the resentment in her tone is pretty clear. “That must be the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. You don’t want to tell me about your past? That’s fine, Reyes, I really don’t give a shit about that. You know that I only cared for who you are, not who you were. Damn, I’m not proud of everything I’ve done before coming here, or even since then, but still…”

She pauses. “After everything we’ve been through, it just drives me crazy to realize that you could still throw bullshit like that to my face, and not even care. I thought we were passed that, but I guess I was wrong. I thought we were more than… shagging, you know.”

“You were right. We are more than that, Sara, I’m serious. You mean more to me than you could imagine.”

He leans his body toward her and shudders when he smells her perfume. He reaches with his hand for a lock of hair on her forehead, slightly touching her skin. His fingers linger just a bit too long on her temple, making them both shiver.

“Please, let me hug you. I need to. Sara…”

She gets up suddenly, breaking away from him with a warning in her eyes. But he can see that she’s been troubled by his touch, just like he’s been.

“People are watching us, Reyes. You cannot do that. We’re not in Tartarus here, nor on my ship, where it’s safe. Remember? You’re the one who said that nobody can see us together.”

“But are we, really? Together, I mean?”

“Oh, cut the crap! You told me what you needed to say, and I’ve listened to you. I don’t owe you anything anymore. I’m sorry you wasted your time in coming here. You’d better head back to Kadara and find someone else to fuck. Literally or not, I don’t care. I have work to do, and we are done.”

 

Her sudden outburst leaves him speechless. In a blur, he sees that she’s leaving. Once again, she’s turning her back on him, walking away with furious steps, and not looking back.

For a few seconds, he’s stunned. He cannot believe that this is over. He doesn’t understand how it came to this point, how he could lose her for such a stupid reason. Nothing makes sense to him. His head’s buzzing and he simply cannot believe what has just happened…

When he comes to his senses, people around are looking at him with curiosity. He briefly wonders if they heard the conversation, or rather if they heard the sound of his heart breaking into a thousand pieces, like the broken glasses she left on the floor of his bedroom two months ago. The noise echoes far too loudly in his mind. Somebody must have heard it, too.

It all seems to bring him back to that moment, when spilled drops of alcohol and anger splashed over his carpet and heart alike. The noise, the smell, the pain—they’re all too physical.

And that’s when fury gains him. He suddenly loses it. He’s so mad at her that he uncontrollably shakes from head to toe. He knows he doesn’t think clearly anymore, but anger has made its nest too deep in his mind over the last months.

 

She might think she’s done with him, but he’s not done with her. She ought to hear what he has to say, whether she wants to or not. He won’t let her dump him like that. Not this time.

Rage growls in his throat. He gets up and runs after her toward the docks.

 

When he catches on, she’s on the top of the ramp and about to enter the Tempest. He doesn’t bother to stop when Liam spots him and tries to hold him back. Reyes swiftly avoids him, and a few strides later he follows Sara inside the ship, calling her name. His vision is blurred, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything, not about Vetra shouting a warning to Sara, nor about her other teammates coming out of their room to watch what’s going on in the hallway, their mouths wide open in surprise. Sara doesn’t bother to stop either and goes straight to her quarters, blindly ignoring his calls and trying to avoid him. But he manages to get inside the room just in time before the door closes, and he grabs her by the arm, forcing her to turn around and face him.

Her biotics immediately set off, blue energy crackling around her hands. He grabs her other arm, regardless of the obvious threat.

“Don’t you dare use your biotics on me, Sara. I won’t let you do that.” He speaks in a low, hoarse voice. “I won’t let you leave me without hearing what I have to say. Stop fighting.”

She tries to shake him off and to get away, but he firmly tightens his grip on her, wincing in pain when a brisk spike of energy goes throughout his whole body. But nothing could stop him now.

“Listen to me. You have no idea how much you’re hurting me right now. If you think that I don’t care about you, then you know nothing at all. But you’re gonna listen to me.”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Reyes! Fuck you and leave me alone!”

“Well, fuck you too, Sara!” He’s screaming now, his anger uncontrollably exploding. “And if I have to yell to make you listen, then I’ll do it! Don’t you see that I don’t care about anyone else but you? Why do you think I came to you every time you’ve reached out to me? Why do I travel so far, across several systems, just to see you, even just for one night? If I wanted to get laid, I’d do it on Kadara. Are you blind? And that night on Meridian… it doesn’t mean anything to you? You mean the world to me, damnit. I love you, Sara. From the moment I met you, I’ve loved you!”

He stops a moment to catch his breath. He’s trembling, his face red and twisted with pain. That’s really not the way he had planned to tell her how he feels. But he couldn’t help it, and he tries to continue with a more pleading voice.

“You’re the one who taught me that we have to fight for what we love, and I want to be with you, Sara. And with no one else, never… Please, come back to me. We are so good together. Everything we shared… was real. It still is… Look at me.”

She doesn’t comply immediately, and he raises his voice once again. “Look at me.”

When she does, he’s surprised to see that she’s now fighting the tears coming in her eyes.

“Sara, you have to believe me. I’ll do anything for you. I told you once that you only have to ask, and I still mean it. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. I just wanna be with you. Ask me to dump the Collective. To run away with you. Anything. I’ll do it.”

 

She remains silent for a moment, frowning. But she stops fighting.

She suddenly collapses in his arms, weary and feeble. She’s overwhelmed by an infinite sadness, and she cannot help soundless tears to slide on her cheeks. That’s all she ever wanted to hear, but she doesn’t believe him. She can’t, even if she wants to.

“I will never ask you to do that.” Her voice is barely a whisper when she finally starts speaking. “Besides, it’s over, Reyes… I’m over it, at least.”

But he can see right through her. “And who’s the liar, now?”

She’s embarrassed, looking at her feet once again. But he firmly raises her chin with his hand. “Tell me, Sara. Tell me what you’re thinking. You asked me not to lie. Don’t do it either.”

She sighs. “You’re right.”

She hesitates before continuing and takes a deep, painful breath. “I’m not mad at you, Reyes. Not anymore, I mean. I’m just… mad at myself. Because what happened… well, honestly, it was as much my fault as it was yours.”

Now he's confused by what she’s saying. “How could it be your fault?”

She takes another long break before reluctantly saying anything else. He lets her time to struggle with her thoughts. When she does, she barely contains the tremor in her voice, and he knows that telling the truth probably costs her as much as it costed him.

“It was my fault, Reyes, because I let myself fall in love with you… And I don’t blame you for this. I'm the only one to blame.”

His heart crumbles at her words, suddenly filled with the hope that everything is not lost. That he can win her back.

In a desperate gesture, Reyes’ hands wrap her. He just holds her, tightly and carefully, enjoying her proximity and feeling like coming back to life all of a sudden, after spending months lost in his own shadows. She buries her face in his chest, and he holds her head close against him. He can feel the silent sobs that are agitating her. He presses his face against her forehead, gently stroking the back of her neck. He’s missed her smell so much…

 

But after a few seconds, she’s already moving away from him, as if she regretted her last statement.

“I… I should have never let myself fall for you, Reyes. I shouldn’t have.”

He’s completely lost. “Sara… there’s nothing wrong about that…”

She forces a poor smile on her face. “You don’t see the problem? How can you love someone, if you don’t trust that person? Reyes… how do you want me to trust you, when you don’t trust me in return?”

“I do trust you. I’d trust you with my life. I trust you like I never trusted anybody. You _have_ to believe me.” His eyes are begging her, pleading his cause far better than his words can.

“I…” She starts answering, but her voice breaks in her throat. Even her closed eyelids cannot hold the tears anymore. She’s shaking, totally confused. She wants to believe him, so desperately…

“Sshh…” He tries to calm her down and holds her face in his hands, very carefully, until she finally opens her eyes again. Remaining tears are shaking in the corners of her eyes, but the tiny smile she throws at him immediately eases his sorrow.

 

For the first time in months, he feels like himself. As if anything that he had ever done was only to prepare him for this crucial moment of his life, where everything finally comes around. He feels complete, like he never did before.

He smiles back at her, the first true smile to cross his lips in a long time. “You can’t deny that we make each other whole, Sara. You can’t tear us apart. Never.”

She doesn’t say anything, but her body next to his is the only answer he needed anyway. As long as he can hold her in his arms, the rest is of no consequence.

 

“Pathfinder?”

SAM’s voice abruptly interrupts their reunion.

“Please, forgive the intrusion, but your friends are really concerned about your well-being. I think that Lieutenant Harper is considering forcing the door of your bedroom open. Should I let them proceed?”

Sara smiles poorly and sniffs before answering. “Tell them that everything’s fine, SAM. And tell them to go back to work. I’m fine.”

“Of course, Pathfinder.”

Sara gets out of Reyes’ hold, and he instantly aches for her warmth.

“You’d better go now, Reyes.”

“Sara, don’t make me leave now. I don’t want to leave you.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t have an answer for you. I can’t give you what you’re looking for. Not right now, anyway. Just… give me some time.”

He reluctantly agrees with a nod of his head. “But promise me to answer my emails this time, at least.”

She smiles. “I will.”

“Promise me”, he insists.

“I promise, Reyes.”

But he cannot let her go, not yet. “Tell me one more thing… Do you remember that night, on Meridian?”

“Of course I do. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.”

“For me too, Sara. I should have told you the truth that night. I don’t know why I didn’t… But that’s all I ever wanted to say.” He cups her face in his hands, and softly kisses her every feature, washing away the last remaining tears on her face with his tender lips.

“I”, he kisses her on the cheeks. “Love”, kiss on her eyelids. “You”, kiss on her nose. “You don’t have to answer me.” He lovingly kisses her lips. “Just to believe me.”

 

Something breaks inside her, then. Maybe it’s her pride, or her foolishness.

Maybe it’s the exhaustion of having buried these feelings for so long. Whatever it is, it’s not happiness that she feels at that moment, not quite yet.

But maybe it’s a start.


	9. Interludes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where two make one

_"Wait!”_

 

_She’s too proud to say it out loud. Even if it itches her throat, she can’t say it. She swallows the word and watches him leaving, until his back disappears behind the exit doors._

_She turns to the emptiness of her bedroom. She’s met only by silence, and her own shadow reflecting in the window. Even the beautiful view over the angaran city at night can’t soothe her sorrow. His absence created a vacuum in which she cannot find herself._

_Lonely. She never felt so lonely._

_From far, far away, she hears a distant, threatening rumble. At first, she doesn’t recognize it. It sounds like a train at full speed. Or rather, a storm of a thousand machines whose blades are about to cut her open._

_She knows that noise. That’s the sound of her heart crashing. And there’s a thunder in her chest that she cannot control, no matter how hard she tries._

_Her lungs burn her, and she struggles to breathe as she falls on her knees._

_She knows what dying feels like – and she feels like dying right now._

***

His heart shivers nervously when he gets down the ramp. He sets foot on the ground, the urge beating at high-speed inside his chest. The feeling is hard to repress.

If anyone had asked him, a year ago – or even two months ago – if he could ever have such strong feelings for someone, he would have laughed and dismissed the subject. But today, everything is different.

He spoke out. He’s not sure he said enough or expressed his feelings clearly enough. But he knows that he did what he had to do. And if he had to do it all over again, he would do the same without hesitation.

His other self, in another lifetime, used to lie, cheat, and deceive. He made a life out of it. But no more of that. No more hiding, not with Sara.

***

_No pain, this time._

_But frustration, and anger. And..._

_Shame. She mostly feels shame. She’s choking on her pride._

_But nothing’s real. Nothing seems real, at least. She’s not dying. She didn’t turn him away. Not after what he said. She can’t possibly have told him to leave._

_She confusedly remembers that she did, though. The hardest thing she has ever done. Countless knives inside her heart, she told him to leave._

_He wants her to believe. But she won’t – she can’t. Can she?_

_It’s just a dream._

_… And yet, she’s ashamed._

***

A restless impulse to run through the docks grows in his limbs. The need is physical, and intensifying. To hold her once more, to feel her, to breathe her. He would cross the whole galaxy just to be able to touch her.

The thought doesn’t ease his frustration, though. He aches for every second spent without her.

But somehow, today everything is different. He waited for so long, he can wait a little longer.

Restraining himself, he patiently waits in line with the other newcomers.

When his turn comes, the turian officer who’s in charge of controlling his credentials looks warily at him.

“What are the reasons of your visit, Mr. Vidal?”

“Strictly personal.” He cannot help but grin.

The dock manager’s suspicion increases, and he carefully checks his papers one more time. Reyes doesn’t care, he knows that everything’s in order. But his haste increases furiously. When he’s finally cleared and allowed to proceed to the entrance, he wastes no time and hurries through the crowd.

***

_It keeps on breaking deep inside. Tearing her in half, crashing down her spine. A minute ago – or was it hours? – she was sure of what to do. But now, the wall of certainties she built around herself suddenly collapses._

_And she breaks, for real. She surrenders._

_She needs more. She always needed more. She doesn’t care if it makes her a fool, if it makes her weak. She lied to herself for too long._

_She needs to get out of here. She needs to find him. In her head, she’s running._

_She runs, her lungs still on fire. She runs, cottony clouds under her feet, a breath away from disintegrating._

_She runs, but she’s not sure that she’ll find the words._

_She’ll figure it out._

***

He rushes to the gates, carelessly pushing the people aside on his way.

He stops abruptly a few feet away from the doors. A loud beat coming from inside shakes nervously his guts. He runs a hand in his hair, in an automatic gesture. He checked his appearance less than ten minutes ago, and he winces when he realizes that he’s definitely anxious.

Taking a deep breath, he persuades himself that he has no reason to be.

Doors open in front of him, and he moves forward.

***

_The sound of her hurried footsteps is silenced by the wet, thick grass. Once again, everything seems unreal. She was sure she’d find him here – that’s her favorite spot, too. But maybe it’s really just a dream._

_He’s lying on the ground, hands behind his head. He doesn’t look at her when she whispers._

_“I am here.”_

_And there she waits, met by his silence. She struggles but words just won’t come out. Left unspoken, they are strangling her._

_She’s dying again…_

_Until a faint smile flickers across his face._

***

His heart misses a beat when he sees her.

She’s alone at the bar, leaning on the counter. At this point, all he wants to do is to join her immediately, but he takes a moment to observe her from behind.

He spent so much time thinking of her, needing her, wanting her… Now that they are together in the same room, he finally feels whole again.

The bright spotlights of the Vortex illuminate her face when she turns to him, sensing his presence, and he remains breathless for a second when she smiles at him.

No matter how much time he spends thinking of her.

Sometimes, he simply forgets how beautiful she is.

***

_“What changed your mind?”_

_“I fucked up, Reyes.”_

_“No, you didn’t.” He sighs, his eyes still closed._

_“Could you forgive me?”_

_“There’s nothing to forgive. You saw only what I let you see… and it wasn’t much, I admit it.”_

_“But I feel so stupid, you know… I acted like a fool, and I made you so miserable, I feel terrible…”_

_Once words start to flow, they just won’t stop._

***

“You’re late.” Her smile grows wider when he joins her, and he knows that she’s just teasing him.

He cocks his head. “Oh, so we are teasing again, now?”

“No. I am.” She grins.

“I’ll keep that in mind. I have a good reason to be late, though. You’ll see.”

“Reyes, I swear to god that if you wink right now, I’m leaving.”

He chuckles. “Don’t worry. I have more than one ace up my sleeve.”

He raises two fingers toward the bartender to order drinks and rests his body right next to hers. He’s not close enough to touch her, but the proximity is reassuring.

***

_“I should never have acted like that… I finally realized it. I couldn’t stay in my room knowing that you were alone, out there…”_

_Her eyes are beggars, silently praying him to hear their mute appeal._

_Her hand reaches out to his._

***

She looks at him with curiosity.

“Why do you seem so cocky? What are you up to, Reyes?”

He hands her her glass, leaning on the counter with one elbow so that he can face her. He raises his drink to her. “You see, this would be the perfect moment to wink and tell you ‘You’ll find out soon enough’… But I won’t. Cheers, Sara.”

She laughs. And damn, it feels good to hear her laugh echoing around the room.

She drinks with him, a roguish smile hanging on the corner of her lips as she slowly sips.

“You know that you will have to tell me why you insisted so much to meet me here, eventually? So why bother waiting?”

“Because waiting is part of the fun. Because simply standing next to you makes me happy, Sara. And because you owe me one. You made me wait long enough.”

She smiles again. “Three fair reasons, indeed. I can wait… a little.”

***

_“I’ve missed you. Every single day. I miss you even now, to tell you the truth. I need you. And I’m sorry, Reyes. I’m so sorry…”_

_His eyes are open, now._

_And he looks at her like there’s nothing else in the whole world that matters anymore._

***

His heart shivers when the loud music of the club is suddenly replaced by a slower tempo. It’s not the waltz, but he knows that this is Sara’s favorite song.

He discreetly nods to the bartender. Up to now, everything goes according to his plan – just the way he likes it.

He smiles mischievously before holding out his hand to her.

“Dance with me, Sara?”

She’s stunned. “What? Reyes… have you lost your mind?”

“No. I swear. No more drama. Do you trust me?”

He asks that with feathers on his breath, and the question briefly lingers between his curved lips and his eyes filled with hope.

***

_In an instant, all doubts are gone. She meets his gaze, and they both know that this time, they really don’t need words. There’d be no point in saying what they both know to be the truth. That they are meant to be together. She rests her forehead against his, eagerly seeking to achieve the connection. Their lips are separated only by a breath…_

_… and she comes back to him, the way one comes back to life – breathing painfully, yet joyfully, and embracing the fresh air coming in her lungs. As if she had hold her breath for two months. As if she had never breathed such a clear air in her whole life. As if there was no life without him._

_And, actually, there is none. She sees it now._

***

She doesn’t hesitate. Not for a second.

When she takes his hand, he softly kisses her knuckles and swiftly drags her to the dancefloor. She offers no resistance when he motions her to turn around him, and she joins him with laughter in her eyes. But when he holds her so tight that her whole body is printed in his, she looks anxiously at him, a question on her lips.

He shushes her gently before she can say anything. “Just dance with me, Sara.”

“But, Reyes… people are looking at us…”

“Screw them. I just want to be with you, dance with you, and then kiss you.”

She’s obviously confused, despite the visible temptation in her eyes. He goes on, honey filling his voice. “And then make love to you, of course. But let’s kiss first.” He winks at her.

***

_Suddenly, his mouth is on hers. There’s an urge in his kiss that she cannot resist, a desperate need in his hands pulling her closer to him. Their tongues meet, and it feels so natural that she completely gives in to the embrace, instantly hooked into his breath. She automatically joins him, uncontrollably attracted to his body. She needs to feel his skin under her fingers, they ached for too long for his touch. Her fingernails dig deep in his neck, and he moans in her mouth before biting slightly her lower lip._

_He hardens his kiss, then. Deepens it, to the point where they’re completely lost in each other, inseparable. Devouring each other, curved into each other. She doesn’t even realize that he’s now bending over her, draping her body with his. Pushing her backward with hungry, starving hands, covering every part of her._

_As his lips move down to her jaw, her neck, her throat, and she lies with him in the moist and comfy grass, she murmurs the only thing that comes to her mind, a quiet peace on her voice._

_“I love you, Reyes.”_

_He stops his kissing to look at her. There are so many stars reflecting and sparkling in his tender gaze, that she feels like she’s answered by the whole universe when he whispers in return._

_She closes her eyes to listen to the precious words softly echoing on the night sky. And she smiles._

_The stars, she can believe. Oh yes, she believes._

***

Hearts beating at high-speed in their chest, their mouths finally part. His hands are wrapped around her, and she never felt so at ease than in this precise moment, completely lost inside his embrace for the whole world to see.

She nestles her head against his neck, unable to hide the radiant smile she can taste on her lips.

“Great. So now everybody knows that we sleep together. Is that what you wanted?”

His smile looks more like a victorious grin when he briefly looks around the room and sees all the stupefied stares fixed on the both of them. He softly kisses her on top of the head before answering.

“Oh, more than that, my love. I wanted them to know that you are mine.”


	10. This is only the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where it’s settled

 

She hears him, but she’s absolutely not listening.

That’s his only redeeming quality: whenever Tann talks to her for too long, her brain switches off and strays to more pleasant places, as if it had a will of its own. How many hours has she spent numbly nodding to him, without a clue of what he’s talking about? Sara has no idea. The fact that she’s tempted to calculate exactly how many hours she lost this way in her life is a good indication of how bored she feels right now.

 

But Tann keeps droning on and on.

“I hope you understand, Ryder, that I cannot grant permission to what you’re asking, not given the current state of the Initiative. And don’t forget the nomination of two new Pathfinders, which you personally requested if I may remind you. I would never have agreed on that if…”

 

Nope. She definitely can’t listen to him. But she nods with faint interest.

Her thoughts quickly go back to a happier place, and to the man waiting for her in her bedroom. She represses a sudden impulse to smile widely.

Memories of last night are blurred in her mind, at least regarding the first part of the evening. Everything seems drowned in a fuzzy blue fog. She remembers a lot of laughs and smiles, though, and the feeling of Reyes’ hands on her. She remembers that part pretty well. From the moment they stopped dancing, she can’t recall a single moment when his fingers weren’t touching her, as if he was unable to let her go even for one second.

Considering everything that occurred in the past months, it was almost too good to be true.

But most of all, she remembers everything that happened after, and she remembers that much better. When they were finally alone, when laughter died to let something else replace the cheerful mood. Something deeper, more intimate. And still those hands on her, a peaceful and heavenly haven of pure bliss… All that was too good to be true, too.

 

“Ryder? Are you even listening to me?”

She suddenly blinks. She realizes that she’s smiling – that’s probably what gave her away.

Tann frowns while she tries to find a suitable answer. But she cannot stop smiling, and no clever reply comes to her mind.

He finally sighs.

“We’ll discuss this further when you’ll be back, Ryder. If your mission goes as planned… I will reconsider your request. But in the meantime, please don’t mention this conversation to your team. They don’t need to concern themselves with that.”

“As you wish. But don’t expect me to lie to them, either. If they ask questions, I’ll them the truth.”

Sara turns away and prepares to leave, but Tann calls her back.

“Ryder? Before you go, there’s one more thing we need to talk about…”

She can’t hide the exasperation on her face when she looks back at the salarian. He clearly seems uncomfortable all of a sudden, and she unconsciously stiffens.

Tann clears his throat.

“Hum. I’ve heard of… your new acquaintance.”

Sara winces when she hears him. _Acquaintance_. She knows exactly what that means.

“And…?”

“I’m sure you can understand that I have many reasons to be worried, Ryder. You’re a Pathfinder, and he is–”

“I know what he is, Tann. An ally of the Initiative. I don’t see where the problem is. In fact, I don’t see why you think you have any right to discuss my private life at all. That’s none of your concern.”

“You have to admit that this relationship could become problematic over time. What if you reveal classified information in… a moment of weakness?”

“Geez, Tann!” She mimics his tone. “‘ _In a moment of weakness_ ’? I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that. It’s totally inappropriate.”

“Face it, Ryder. This could compromise you.”

“No. I strongly disagree. Do you want me to resign?” She dares him with furious eyes, and he immediately shakes his head.

“Of course not. But–”

“Then it’s settled. We will never speak of that again, director Tann. Can we agree on that?”

And without waiting for an answer, she gets out of his office. This time, he doesn’t call her back.

 

She knew perfectly well that revealing their relationship would cause troubles and agitation. She doesn’t understand exactly why – she’s never been interested in other people’s private life – but somehow, she expected some kind of delirious, strong reactions. And, as anticipated, the news spread fast.

At least, she got that right…

 

Sara sighs heavily when she spots Keri hurriedly walking toward her, the moment she steps out of the Pathfinder Headquarters. The reporter is obviously overexcited and grabs her by the arm with enthusiasm.

“Pathfinder, I’ve heard the good news! I need to record your official statement!”

“Sorry, no interview today.” Sara tries to avoid her and keeps on walking, forcing Keri to let go of her arm. But her attitude is not enough to discourage the journalist.

“Oh, please, tell me, Ryder! Was it a proposal? Are you two getting married?”

“What? Hell, no!” Sara suddenly stops, rolling her eyes with annoyance.

The asari looks skeptical and frowns, so Sara adds immediately: “Seriously, Keri, no. Nothing of that sort. Don’t start spreading stupid rumors like that, please. I just… I kissed a guy, alright. No big a deal. Stop the gossip. And no rumors!”

“This is not ‘just’ a guy, Pathfinder! He’s known to be an active member of the Collective, don’t you think–”

But Sara is gone long before Keri can finish her question. That’s too much to handle for just one day.

She just wants to get back to him, and she hurries to the tram station.

 

The bedroom smells of fresh coffee and familiar perfume when she enters, and she hears a soft whistle filling the room.

Reyes was clearly waiting for her, and he greets her with one of those stunning smiles that always instantly warms her from within. She joins him in the kitchen, and he immediately holds her tight.

“I’ve missed you.”

She chuckles. “I was gone only a couple of hours, Reyes.”

He grabs her hips and pulls her up on the kitchen cupboard.

“I know. But I’ve missed you.”

She circles his waist with her legs, attracting him closer.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

For a moment, the only sounds that can be heard is the slight buzzing of the coffee machine, and the soft moaning coming from her throat while they kiss. Even when their mouths part, his hands remain on her, keeping her close.

She could really get used to that…

 

She runs a hand in his hair, messing it up a little, and laughs when he frowns playfully.

“You know that you didn’t have to wait for me in here? You could have gone for a walk, or take care of whatever business you might have here…”

“No. I wanted to be here for you.” He glances around. “And I like this room. It’s more luxurious than any room in Kadara, believe me.”

She laughs out loud. “Don’t get used to it. Now that Scott is done with military training on Eos, I guess he’s going to spend a lot more time on the Nexus, so this will be his bedroom, really. I prefer the Tempest, anyway. Or even Tartarus. Closest things I have to a home.”

He looks lovingly at her and for a second, she wonders what’s on his mind. But he quickly moves on to another topic.

“So, tell me. How did it go with Tann?”

She winces.

“I couldn’t get a straight answer from him, as usual. But I’m not worried. I always get what I want from him, eventually.”

“Oh yeah? And how do you do that?”

“Well, I have a secret weapon, but I have to use it carefully… Whenever I want something from him, I call him ‘director Tann’. It works every time, and I don’t think that he even realizes it.”

She laughs. “I can handle Tann, even when he is an ass like this morning. He already knows about us, you know. He feels… concerned.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That it was none of his business. Don’t worry. We’re good.”

She winces again. “But we should expect some unnecessary fuss and crazy rumors… I think it has already started, actually.”

“That was predictable. Don’t mind it, it will quickly stop. People will move on to something else. They always do.”

“I know… Still, it’s weird.”

He presses his palms to her cheeks, looking deep in her eyes.

“Let me deal with rumors. And if anyone bothers you, tell me and I’ll deal with it, too. We’ll figure this out, Sara. Together, we’ll make it work.”

“I know we will. I’m not worried. I just wish… that for once, things would be easier. But I’m not worried.”

She smiles and shrugs her shoulders, and kisses him softly before going on.

“Anyway, there’s something else I need to tell you. We have to go to Meridian, and then directly to Eos. It won’t take more than two weeks, but we’re leaving tomorrow.”

He doesn’t say anything, despite the sadness that overwhelms him. He knows that he should get used to her leaving on missions all the time, that’s her job. Still, he was hoping to spend more time with her than just one day.

She sees the disappointment on his face, and tenderly rests her forehead against his.

“I promise I won’t be gone for long. And I’ll come back to Kadara as soon as I can. I promise, Reyes.”

“Can’t you postpone the mission?”

She shakes her head.

“No. I’m sorry. We have to retrieve some unknown kett technology we found and bring it to Eos for study, that’s where we have our best research facility. I can’t tell you more about it. But I have to do this, it’s important. Once it’s done, I’ll get around the Tann issue. He will eventually give me what I want, you’ll see. And I’ll finally be able to make up for lost time. Trust me, I will.”

She smiles roguishly, and he smiles back at her.

“I won’t let you forget that promise.”

He drops a series of small pecks down her neck, and she giggles when he adds in-between his soft kisses: “You can start making up for it right now, if you want. I won’t complain.”

His hands are now wandering beneath her shirt, deliciously tickling the skin of her belly and sending shivers down her spine.

For a moment, she lets him carry on. But suddenly, she recalls something.

“Wait, stop. I forgot to mention that Scott is coming.”

“Mm?”

“Come on, Reyes!” She can’t help but laugh when his fingers draw circles on the soft skin under her bra, regardless of her pleading tone.

“Scott is coming, he could be here any minute now. Don’t…”

He groans against her neck, not answering. But she gently pushes him away.

“Seriously, Reyes. Remember my brother, you met him last night? Same hair, same eyes, and same stupid sense of humor as me? And definitely not the kind of guy who knocks before coming in a room. So, you really need to stop doing that, as much as I’m enjoying it.”

“Damn you, woman. You’re killing me.”

His hands leave grudgingly her skin, despite his mumbled protest. But he’s not ready to let her go, not yet.

 

Soon, their kiss is interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and Scott’s footsteps echo in the silent room.

Sara smiles to Reyes.

“See? I told you he’s not the knocking type.”

He laughs, but finally he moves reluctantly away from her to greet the man.

Scott nods when he spots them in the kitchen, an evil grin running on his face. “Sorry to interrupt, love birds. I won’t stay long.”

He heads directly to his dresser and rummages inside. “I just need a few things for the trip.”

He stuffs them carelessly into his backpack while Sara gets on her feet and pours a cup of coffee. She handles it to Reyes, but he silently shakes his head and sits at the kitchen table.

 

When Scott’s done, he turns to her sister and nudges her in the ribs.

“So, sis, how do you feel about spending two entire weeks with your dear brother? You’d better be nice to me, or I’ll tell your crew all your dirty little secrets…”

Sara pretends to ignore him, but Reyes’ interest is suddenly caught.

“I’d like to hear about that, too.”

“I bet you do!” Scott chuckles. “I’m sure she never told you about that time she went to jail–”

But Sara interrupts him immediately.

“Don’t be an ass, Scotty.”

He frowns when she calls him that. She did it on purpose – she knows he hates being called Scotty, but it’s always so much fun that she can never resist the opportunity.

“Stop telling that story, it’s not funny anymore. And remember that I have spicy anecdotes about you, too… and who knows whom I could tell?”

Scott lowers his shoulders, acknowledging her victory.

“Alright, alright. You won. I’ll leave you two alone. I guess we won’t see you at the club tonight?”

“Mm… probably not.” She smiles. “Not tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, Scott.”

Sara follows her brother to the door and locks it behind him.

 

When she comes back, Reyes motions her to sit on his lap, and she complies with a wide smile, circling his neck with her arms.

“So… you’ve been to jail? You, the Pathfinder? Who would have thought…” He grins wildly. “But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

She pouts, but he manages to steal a kiss from her before she can say anything.

“But tell me, why is Scott going with you?”

“I don’t know, actually. He could request a shuttle and go directly to Eos if he wanted. But I guess it has something to do with my best friend and favorite engineer… I’ve noticed some bonding between these two. It will be fun to watch them.”

Reyes laughs quietly. “It will certainly make the trip more interesting.”

 

After that, he stops talking and seems lost in his train of thought. She stares lovingly at him for a moment, but he doesn’t notice.

She knows that sometimes, he just needs time. Whatever he has to say, he will say it, eventually. So, she doesn’t mind his silence.

She’s about to get up to take another cup of coffee, but he tightens his grip on her waist, indicating her to stay put. He goes on hesitantly.

“Sara… given that whole disclosure thing we’ve agreed on… maybe there’s something else that you should know about me.”

“Mm? What?”

She said that casually, but he doesn’t immediately answer and she straightens up suddenly, looking at him with growing worry in her eyes.

“What is it, Reyes?”

“Well… you should know that before meeting you, I’ve… hum, I’ve been with other women, sure, but also…”

“With men?”

He’s relieved that she said it for him, and anxiously waits for her reaction.

She bursts out laughing and strokes his cheek with tender movements, instantly soothing all remaining doubts he had.

“Damn, you scared me! For a moment I thought you had another terrible and dark secret. But you’re just too cute when you’re nervous, Reyes. That’s really adorable.”

“You don’t mind, then?”

“Of course I don’t. Why would I? And who could resist you, anyway?” A wide smile spreads across her lips. “Thank you for telling me, though. Better to hear it from you than to learn it from somebody else.”

She grabs his hand. “Come on, now. Less talk, and more action. Don’t forget I’m leaving tomorrow, and I promised you that I would make every second count.”

 

She doesn’t need to say it twice, and he follows her without hesitation. When she turns to him, she’s met by a content, satisfied look in his eyes, that makes her laugh.

“Oh please Reyes, strip that smug smile off of your face right now.”

But he just can’t help it.

“Why would I? I have everything I ever wanted…”

 

She can’t resist when his lips seize her mouth once again. She’s always been terrible at resisting him, anyway.

 

And, honestly? The best part is that they’re only getting started…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … That’s it, guys!! Second part has come to an end. 
> 
> I want to say a huge and sincere THANK YOU to everyone who read, commented, left kudos, subscribed and/or shared this silly love story. Thank you for sticking with me until the end. I couldn’t have done it without you, and I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> I’m afraid I’ve been experimenting a lot while writing this second part, and I realize that I shifted a lot between different perspectives and narrative techniques… I’m sorry, and I hope it wasn’t too confusing.  
> I’m already working on a third part and I promise that it’s going to be more plot-oriented and therefore more coherent. It will probably take some time (because more plot means more thinking…), but it’s coming. And still with my reyder, of course!!!
> 
> Thank you again, to each and every one of you!


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